Page 146 of Until I Have You

“I haven’t had dessert!”

“Don’t you worry, little one, you’ll get dessert.Two desserts!”my mom says, taking Bonnie by the hand and pulling her out of the chair.

“Mom, you can’t promise her two desserts.”I can feel the weight of Sonia and Dad’s eyes on me.

My mother waves her hand at me, mischief all over her face.“Come on you two.The jukebox is calling our name.”

Theo gives me a kiss on the crown of my head before stepping away.I’m shocked my father’s fist isn’t clenching out of the corner of my eye.

I keep my eyes downcast on the table, unwilling to be the first to break.

“Could we sit, Abigail?”Dad asks, touching the back of the chair across from mine.

I gesture to the chairs without saying anything.I’m not trying to be an obstinate child.However, they already see me that way.Unable to take care of myself and make my own choices.

Dad pulls out a chair for Sonia.I watch her through my eyelashes as she sits, her dark hair down and draped over her shoulders, framing her face which is paler than usual.

Is it possible she feels bad for what she did?I’ll believe it when I hear it.

Dad follows suit in his own seat and sighs.“Sorry to spring this on you.But we had to do something drastic.”

“Like corner me?Take the decision from me?”I lift my eyes to meet my father’s.I don’t resemble him in the face.I favor my mother.In moments, though, I see myself.

“To prove to you that we want to make amends,” my dad says.“You won’t answer anyone’s texts when we reach out, you won’t–”

“Did it occur to you that I don’twantto hear from you?That I’m fine here on my own.Without you?”I want to punish them for what they’ve done to me.To Theo and me.

If they had accepted us, maybe we wouldn’t have had to go through all this.Wouldn’t have had to put Bonnie through the pain of losing me.

The punishing, though, comes from a place of want.Wanting to be close again.The wound on my heart, though, demands to be heard.

Dad lips twitch to reply, but Sonia cuts in, both with her hand against his arm and her voice.“I’ll start.I was wrong.”

I swallow.

“I was so wrong to interfere in your life,” she says, her brow furrowing.“I thought because…I knew how it would hurt your dad.But I broke the trust we’ve developed.”

I nod.Not to be mean.I just hadn’t put words to it in the mid of my anger and resentment.

“I’m sorry, Abigail.I’m really so sorry.”Sonia places her hand to her heart.

I open my mouth to reply and find myself choked up.“I…it hurt.My feelings.”

How old am I?Five?

“Of course, it did.I can only imagine… And the mistake I made was I didn’t try to see your side.I could make any number of excuses, but it doesn’t matter, does it?”

My lower lip trembles.“I just thought if anyone could understand after…”

I glimpse my father’s expression.

Gosh, he doesn’t look good either.He needs a haircut and a shave.If he’s been pushed to the brink of sanity over this situation, good.But also, not good.

He’s my dad.I don’t want him to suffer.Even if I deserve lots and lots of apologies.

Sonia and my dad exchange a look.Strained and pressed, something I’ve never seen from them.If they ever had any conflict, it’s only ever been in private.Their love is powerful.

“It’s something I look up to.You guys.And the way you feel about each other,” I say, unable to quell the emotion creeping up in my voice.“So, for you to not even attempt to understand me was devastating.”