Page 131 of Until I Have You

I gulp down my fear.“Have you heard from her?Is she well?”

Edwin’s eyes fall to his desk.“I haven’t heard from her in quite some time.None of us have.”

My heart drops into my stomach.“You haven’t heard from her at all?”

“I heard from Grainne.I know she’s alive and well.But other than that, some of us have tried to reach out.I tried a couple times.But…” Edwin leans back in his chair.“You really haven’t been talking to her?”

I rub my forehead.“I wouldn’t be here if I was.”

Edwin doesn’t reply right away.He gets up from his desk and goes to the window of his office.“Fuck, we’ve fucked it all up, haven’t we?”

I like the sound of that.That we’re in this together.It’s not my fault and it’s not his.But ours.“Bonnie is distraught,” I say.“So am I.”

Edwin’s chilled expression breaks the slightest bit.Is that warmth I sense?“I’m still furious with you for going behind my back.”

“Understandable.”

Edwin takes me in, sizes me up.“God, you look like shit.”

“Thanks.I know.”I scratch my hand through my hair.It could use a wash.“Um, look, I owe you an apology for going behind your back, I should have…I should have spoken to you instead of going behind your back.”

Edwin smiles sympathetically.

“But Abigail doesn’t deserve the distance from you, all right?You should be so proud of her because she’s an incredible woman, and that’s no doubt thanks in part to you.She intelligent and compassionate and…” I tuck my tongue into my cheek.“Bonnie absolutely adores her.I adore her.I know it’s so fucking pear shaped, Edwin, but I can’t ignore how I feel.”

“Holy shit.”

My eyes lock with Edwin’s.

His guard finally drops utterly and entirely.“You love her, don’t you?”

Edwin can’t know that before Abigail does.“I wasn’t trying to take advantage of her.It was never just physical.I care about her.”My hand falls against my chest, to my aching sternum.“A lot, Edwin.”

It’s strange to be telling my best friend I’m in love with his daughter.But it’s the truth, and there’s no reason to deny it.

“I had to get square with you before I go after her,” I say.“Because that’s what I want to do, I need to go fix things.But I’m not going to move forward without your blessing any longer.”

If he tells me no, I might dissolve into a million particles.

But Edwin doesn’t leave me hanging long.He lifts his chin and gives me a single nod.“Better you than me, I think.”

I find myself moving, walking around Edwin’s desk until he is within arm’s reach.I hold out my hand to him.

He ignores it and pulls me in for a hug.A hug I didn’t know I needed as badly as I do.

Neither of us says anything.The hug grows tighter.The subtext is all Abigail.We’re seeing each other, though we aren’t looking at one another.The two men in the world who care for Abigail the most out of anyone.

We part, Edwin patting my shoulder.“I’d say don’t hurt her, but…I’m afraid we’ve both failed on that front.”

He runs his hands down into his pockets.“I’m not going to say I was wrong to feel betrayed by you, but Abigail is a grown woman, and she knows what she wants.If that’s you, then it’s you.I should learn to let go.”

I see myself in two decades standing across from me.Watching Bonnie grow up and out of my control.No.Not control.Protection.

“I can’t blame you, mate.But I promise she’s precious to me.I can’t lose–”

You already did.

“Can’t lose her,” I manage to finish, shutting down that dark voice in my head.

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