More often than not, though, I find myself wishing I could be working, researching,something.Especially because I have a lot of time to think lately.
Soon, though, I’ll be in Ireland, and there won’t be time for me to get too caught up in my thoughts.I’ll be busy with researching the puffin mating season, tired from days out on the rocky Irish cliffsides.
That time will come sooner than I’d like, I’m sure.
On the weekends, the three of us act like a happy family.Or the semblance of one, considering Theo and I hide our romantic connection from Bonnie as best we can.
It’s a different kind of sneaking, though.Different from the sneaking we did around my father.It’s not out of guilt or shame, but protection.
If this is going to end, there’s no use getting Bonnie’s hopes up.To her, I’m a temporary houseguest.This way, we have been able to explain to her I’ll be leaving in March.Bonnie and I can enjoy our time together just as Theo and I can.
However, separation only exists on paper.Because when the three of us are together, I get a different kind of rush.My feelings for Theo grow in a different direction, filling out the growing tree of my affection for him.And Bonnie too.
I read her bedtime stories, I take her to school, I give her hugs and kisses, and she gives me them back.
“You’re the best, Abigail,” she says to me again and again.
I notice as time goes on that my name becomes more stilted in her mouth, like I am worthy of a shorter title.Something more intimate.
I wouldn’t dare say I’m anything like a mother to her, but I wish I could be.
Not good if things are to come to an end soon.
I hope he’ll change his mind.That when I go to Ireland, he realizes hecanhack the distance, that Bonnie can handle it too, and that we can be together once and for all, without any rules.
I won’t take it upon myself to bring it up to him, though.Bonnie and her well-being are boundaries I will not cross.
A phone buzzes in the room.
“They need you,” I murmur, starting to disentangle my arms from Theo’s.
He grunts in return, flipping onto his back to reach for his phone.
“Not me,” he says, holding up his phone with a blank screen.
Dread sinks in my stomach as I raise myself up onto my elbows and cast a look at my phone on the bedside table.
The screen glows, but from here, I can’t see the contact name on the screen.
Theo’s hand lands against my thigh.“You don’t have to answer if it’s them.”
My family tries to get into contact with me.The only people I’ve been speaking to are Camilla and Laney since they’re my brothers’ partners.That way, I still have distance without being completely cut off.
They check on me from time to time, ask if I’d be open to talking with other family members.My answer is always no.
Sonia has reached out on more than one occasion.She’s an inch away from getting blocked.
Dad is radio silent.Unsurprising.He’s too proud.And I’m not going to let Sonia try and smooth things over on his behalf.
I glance at Theo, knowing I’m unable to hide the sadness in my eyes.I don’t hide anything from him anymore.
His slight smile is all it takes to patch up the gushing hole in my heart.“I’m right here.”
Always right here for me.Every time I wonder if I made the wrong choice, all it takes is one look, one word, one kiss, and I know that choosing Theo has always been correct.
I reach for my phone and am surprised by the contact name when I pick it up.It’s not my dad.It’s something even more important.
“It’s the NYCMLC,” I say, pulling my brows down.