Page 111 of Until I Have You

Abigail turns away from me for a moment, looking down at her hands as if she’s weaving out an answer.“I’m tired of men dictating my life.”

I want to say I’d never do that, but it’s evident she feels I have.

“That’s all my life has ever been.Trying to be a good girl and fulfill the needs of all these fucking men so that they’ll be appeased and give me what I want or what I need and–” She faces me again.“You know why it’s been so hard for me to get a job?”

I get a creeping feeling over my skin.“A man?”

“Professor Ridley.”

My stomach turns at the mention of the wanker’s name.

I want to know more, but I’m afraid to ask.Unsure what questions will trigger the wrong memories.

“He liked me.And I thought it was just…platonic, but then he started hitting on me.I played dumb.I mean, I was his student.We were working together, I thought…I just tried to play it off.But that meant giving in just enough to keep him at bay.”Abigail shakes her head.“I wish I hadn’t.”

My torch for Abigail burns brighter than ever now.

“Then my last semester, he tried to kiss me at a department party.”She goes silent.

“Did he hurt you?”I ask carefully.

Abigail shakes her head.“I mean, not physically.I finally told him no, but he…he threatened my career.He basically said that he could make it hard for me if I didn’t give in.”

“So, you didn’t.”I know how the story ends based on how the past few months have played out.

“I didn’t.”

I’m so proud of her.“I can only imagine what courage that must have taken.”

She scoffs at herself.“Not that much, considering you saw me trying to salvage things a couple months ago, trying to convince him to…help me.”

My heart breaks for her.That she felt she’d have to do anything to get what she’d want.Give more of herself than she wanted to a man so that she could take control of her own destiny.

“God, I’m sorry Abigail.”

“The fact I got the job in County Clare is damn near a miracle.Especially after the way drinks with Professor Ridley went down.”Her whole face is turning red.“I shouldn’t have done it, but I’d just been rejected for a job at the aquarium, and I thought he must have had something to do with it and–”

She looks down at her hands.“It was stupid.”

“Well, I’m not sorry I stepped in.In fact, if I’d known, I’d have more than strong words for the man.”

Abigail giggles.

I’m glad to hear her laugh.

“I can’t imagine you getting in a fight with someone ever.”

“Now, hold on, I didn’t say I’d fight.I mightsuggesta fight, but…”

She laughs some more.

I might not be a fighter by nature, but Id’ fight for her.I’d tear a man to pieces for her.

After her laugh dies down, Abigail rolls her eyes up toward the ceiling, tears pooling.“I’m telling you this so you understand how tired I am.Of men decidingtheycan be in charge of my life just because they can.”

“Of course.That must be so frustrating.”

Abigail wraps her arms around herself.“You have no idea.”

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