Page 4 of Until I Find You

“What?” I bristle. “No! You’re supposed to say, ‘Are you crazy?’”

“Why would I do that? You hate working at the stock exchange.”

I frown. “How do you know that?”

“Jack, weallknow that,” he says. “Except your dad maybe, but he’s preoccupied. Between running the Lyons Club and Sonia–”

“If all of you know I’m miserable, why haven’t you said anything?”

Seth hesitates. “I guess most of us have been preoccupied too, but–”

I snap my fingers. “Right! You all have jobs and lives. I have a job. No life. So, if I quit my job, then what do I have?”

He shrugs. “An opportunity to have a life?”

I furrow my brow. “What if I fuck it up?”

“Oh, my god, you really are in a bad state, aren’t you?” Seth’s smile doesn’t fade.

He smiles so much more since Bridget’s been in his life. “You’ll have time, Jack. To do something else. Anything you want. Isn’t that enough?”

The coffee pot has quit puttering. I take it out from the machine and pour it into the tall metallic carafe on the island. Steam billows out from the top, heating my face.

My shoulders unwind.

His voice comes from behind me. “What about coffee?”

I frown. “Whataboutcoffee?”

“I recall you telling me once that you’d like to start your own company.” Seth tilts his head to the side.

I glance up at him. “I was drunk.”

“Drunken actions, sober thoughts.”

I blink a few times and then sigh. “Yeah, I’ve thought about that. But I wouldn’t know where to start.”

Seth spreads his arms wide. “Um, hello! You’ve got a ton of resources right here. Me, Bridget, your dad…”

“Bridget’s busy with getting ready for fashion week, dad’s busy getting ready for the babies, and you’re–”

“Busy with Bridget.” Seth gives me a lascivious smile.

“Ew.”

“What are you afraid of, Jack? Seriously! It is clear to anyone who cares to look that you love doing this!” He tilts his head to the carafe.

I snort, picking up one of the small coffee spoons I’ve set out on the counter and fling it at him. Seth tries to dodge, but it thwaps against his arm and he yelps.

He is right, though. Coffee is my passion.

And as much as it pains me to admit it, he’s got a point. Iamscared. Scared it’s just going to be more of the same. That I’m going to work my ass off and be miserable and then the cycle will start again. That there isn’t another side to this, no beautiful life I might create for myself to invite someone else into. Start a family with.

I’m scared that I’m fated to be who my father was before Sonia came into his life. Not the playboy with three children from three different and no marriages and no will to settle down. No. That will never be me.

The man I’m scared to become is the lonely man who has no one to come home to until he is fifty. Or worse. Ever.

But what if that’s what I’m cursed to be? My father’s son?

---