Page 13 of Until I Find You

“Great, let me pull up the calendar.” She whips her phone out and navigates to her calendar app that already has all thetentative dates of announcements and openings courtesy of our marketing manager. “So, when do you want to go down to Kona?”

I laugh to myself, humorless and dry. “Well, I won’t be going to Kona.”

Her eyebrows jump. “Sorry?”

“You’ll go,” I announce.

Camilla’s chin juts forward. “I’llgo?”

“You said you’d have more influence, right?” I offer with a wave of my hand. “What could be more influential than picking out our base of operation?”

She begins to shake her head. “I wouldn’t know the first thing about–”

“The plantations I’ve seen for sale are all to my liking. I’ll give you a checklist when it comes to picking the right one. It won’t be hard, I promise.”

Camilla crosses her arms over her chest. “If this isyourbusiness, then you should pick out the plantation.”

“Yes, but you did say you wanted more privileges, didn’t you?”

“This isn’t what I meant. This is a huge decision.”

“I know it is, but–”

“It would be foolish for you not to go,” she says in a cool and objective tone.

My blood boils.

I know she’s not meaning to set me off as much as she is. She couldn’t possibly know the full story of why I don’t want to go. ButI’min charge. What I say goes.

Isn’t that enough? Isn’t that what she’s being paid for? “Foolish isn’t the word I’d use for it.”

“I see. So, my opinion is only valid when yousayit’s valid.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Camilla places the edge of her hand against the island with each point she makes. “I say you need to prepare for the meeting. I say you need to increase your leadership potential. All of that is moot because you say so, but the second youwantmy opinion–”

“I would say that’s how a hierarchy in a business works,” I remark.

“That’s not my expertise! You’re the one who knows about coffee. I’m the one who knows aboutcompanies. So, if you want to start a coffee company, seems like we need both heads involved to–”

“I think we should end this conversation for now. I’m exhausted and need a break from all of this.” I turn toward the living room. I’d just like to sit down, throw on the television, and think about…anything else.

Camilla huffs. “I’m not done with this conversation.”

“Well, I am.” I’m not trying to be mean. I simply can’t do this.

These six days have been overwhelming in ways I didn’t know were possible. I knew that starting a business was going to be work, I’m not an idiot. I knew it would be grueling at times.

But I haven’t shaken my lack of trust in myself. In my ideas. This all feels like a waste of time. Meanwhile, I have Little Miss Corporate breathing down my neck, which I know should be a good thing. I know Seth picked only the best for me.

I can’t stand it, though. Because I can barely stand myself.

“You’ll need to find a new assistant, then,” Camilla says.

I turn around to find her shoveling her computer and other sundries into her backpack. “What?”

“Come on, Jack. It’s obvious this isn’t working,” she says without looking up, her curls veiling her expression.

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