Page 1 of Until I Find You

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JACK

A hand clapson my shoulder. Fucking Carl. “Big weekend ahead?”

I force a smile. “Resting.”

“Resting?! Come on. We make the big bucks. You should be living large, painting the town!”

I chuckle. “I’m beat, Carl. I don’t know how you have the energy for it.”

“When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life!” He steps into the throng of Wall Street workers, filing to the subway, waving back at me. “See you Monday!”

Goodbye and good riddance.

I’m done.

I take my first breath after what was my last day of trading and is now the beginning of my new life. A life I am both craving and dreading.

I need to enjoy the fresh air, to find my true purpose in life.

To take a breath.

I used to love what I did too…for the first couple of years. But then I didn’t anymore. I just kept coming to work because I had a job to do. Because I was making my father proud.

But the years have been piling up, the will to get up in the morning and come here has vanished, turned into a struggle. A sacrifice. And now, I’m just tired. So tired.

And every time the weekend arrives, I don’t know what to do with myself. Though I was never really that much of a party animal, things have changed. All my friends and family have started…settling down. And I find that I don’t hate the idea of that either. But this job and a family are not compatible.

So, I need this change.

I start the walk to the subway to head up to the Upper East Side for monthly dinner with my dad and the family. It is a welcome change from the daily routine of heading to my apartment in FiDi, a short walk from here, and sitting alone, playing video games or watching crap television over pizza and beer.

The subway is miserably packed, but at least it’s quick and when I arrive at Dad’s, Abigail, my younger half-sister, is already there.

“You okay?” she asks the second I walk inside.

“Yeah.” I shrug off my jacket and loosen my tie. “Why?”

“You kinda look like shit,” she says through a clenched, apologetic smile.

Dad steps into the hall, wiping his hands on a dish towel and shaking his head. “Abigail…”

She shrugs, not a speck of embarrassed blush beneath her spray of freckles. “I’m not trying to be mean. I’m worried.”

“He looks fine,” Dad says, although I don’t think he evenreallylooked at me. I don’t blame him, though. He’s been preoccupied ever since he got married last winter. First comes love, then comes marriage, then…

Sonia, Dad’s wife, calls out from the other room. “Not worse than me!”

Her belly enters the room before she does.

My jaw drops at her size. “Oh my god.”

Abigail snickers. “Jesus, Jack.”

“Sorry, I just…didn’t I see you just two weeks ago?”

“I’m growinglife, Jack.” Sonia sighs, tucking her hands on her lower back. “I’m supposed to get bigger.”

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