Page 63 of Dump and Chase

I kind of liked that we’d put hostilities aside for now. I was tired of fighting and being angry with him. I’d resolved to move on, yes, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends. And being friends would make co-parenting a lot easier.

I was finishing up with the big luggage when I smelled basil coming from the kitchen. He knew how to make pesto, but I didn’t think we didn’t have the ingredients for it. He must of have bought some for me—he knew how much I loved pesto. I followed the scent to the kitchen. Ethan had some pasta cooking on the stove. He’d also put together a salad loaded with onions, tomatoes, and cucumbers. All my favorites.

The buzzer sounded and he drained the pasta, added it to the bowl of warmed pesto, and topped it was a generous helping of parmesan cheese. I sat at the kitchen island as he put the finishing touch of a sliced grilled chicken breast on top. He placed the bowl in front of me, then grabbed me a napkin and some cutlery.

“This is so good,” I said after swallowing a mouthful.

“Not the same as the pesto we made with your mom and dad. Remember the summer he planted all that basil?”

I laughed. “I thought Mom was going to kill him. Every leftover planting pot that Dad had left was filled with basil.”

He grabbed me another bowl for salad and went to plate his own dinner. “I think we made thirty or forty small containers of pesto.”

“Yup, and Mom dried the rest of the basil. She was gifting dried basil and pesto to anyone who would take it. I think you and I were the only ones who even liked it.”

“I learned a lot about vegetables, herbs, and gardens from your dad. When I retire, I’m going to be a gardener.”

He sat down to eat and for a few minutes that’s what we did. I liked that for once we weren’t arguing.

“How was the restaurant opening? Ava mentioned it was pretty great. Awesome food, but Wolseley was always an excellent chef.”

“It was great. I worry she’s wearing herself thin, but she keeps saying she’s got help and she’s going to start taking it easy. I hope so.”

I’d finished my pasta and chicken and moved over to my salad. Ethan took my plate away even though he hadn’t finished eating. He did that a lot, always tidying up. I had to admire that he wasn’t a slob and never had been.

“I know we’re having a nice dinner, so I hope I’m not about to ruin it,” Ethan said.

I groaned. What crap did he have in store for me now? “Do we have to?”

“Yeah, because I’ve been thinking about it the last few days.”

“Fine,” I said, bracing myself as he took his empty plate to the sink and leaned over the other side of the island so he could face me.

“I messed up. Like, a ton of times. I know it’s ancient history, but what happened on New Year’s Eve—”

I put up my hand to stop him. “Please let’s not do this. You’re going to upset me.”

“Just let me try. Okay?”

Anxiety bubbled up inside me. I couldn’t trust him not to ruin this fragile truce, but he seemed determined to blow it all up. I sighed. “Fine, go ahead.”

He took in a deep breath and I stared at him. He looked sincere as he began. “Like I said, I messed up a lot, and it all started on New Year’s Eve.” At the look on my face, he added, “Okay, it started before then, but I didn’t realize it at the time. I didn’t get how much our living situation was bothering you. I don’t know why I was being such an asshole that night. I’m not going to blame the booze because I was sober enough to know I was being as ass. But I made a mistake, Tang. I said so many things that were stupid. And my excuse is terrible. Thing is, I was seeing so many guys around me getting married young and ending up in terrible relationships that were ruining their careers. I didn’t want anything to do with marriage, and I should have been honest with you.”

All his horseshit had me on edge, but I said I’d hear him out. Keeping my voice measured, I said, “But You knew I wanted to get married. Settle down eventually. But you waited until I prodded you on New Year’s Eve to tell me that was never going to happen, and that was so upsetting. I put school on hold for you. I moved away from homefor you. Both of those things would have never happened if I’d known you just wanted to play house. It felt like you wanted a familiar face while you got your career going, like I had no agency of my own.”

He nodded and absorbed it all. “I get it. I never wanted you to feel that way and I didn’t think I was taking you for granted. I loved you, Tang, and I wanted you with me, I just didn’t want to get married. That’s not how I always felt. It was just a couple of years of watching guys fuck up their lives.”

I laughed sarcastically. “And you thought you were going to fuck up your life marrying me?”

“No, but I was scared and I thought I was going to fuck up whatwehad.”

I kept telling myself not to get angry. “See, here is the disconnect for me. Two years later Brandi comes along, and you couldn’t wait to marry her. And sorry, but she was totally wrong for you. Shewasgoing to fuck up your life. Does that make any sense to you?”

He looked down at the island countertop. “No, it doesn’t. And you’re right, she would have fucked up my life. I’m not sure why I asked her to marry me. Look, she’s smart, gorgeous, ambitious, so maybe I got caught up in that.”

“And I guess I wasn’t smart, gorgeous, or ambitious?”

“What? No,” he said with surprise. “I didn’t mean that at all. I was simply pointing out who she was to me. You’re all that, Tang, and more. I’ve always trusted you, wanted to be with you, and you challenge me and make me laugh. She certainly didn’t do that for me. Why do you think I tried so hard to get you back?”

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