Page 3 of Dump and Chase

All these thoughts cycled through my head as the car took me, Mom, and Ava to the cemetery. All morning I’d wondered what she’d look like. We follow each other’s socials, but she rarely posted pictures of herself. She tended to post shots of animals or inspirational messages. And when she did post pics of friends, she wasn’t always in the picture. Or maybe she had my access restricted. Who knows.

I assumed she’d come with her family. Our parents had all been friends for years, even after our epic breakup. They’d even gone on a cruise together the year I’d been drafted. Tangi’s dad was seasick most of the time, but everyone else had a good time. And then it hit me: Leah wasn’t at the service.

I tried so many times to reach out to Tangi’s little sister. I still did when I saw a funny meme I knew she’d laugh at. I texted her on her birthday, Christmas, and whenever I thought about her. Not once did she reply. Maybe she’d changed her number, but her IG handle hadn’t changed, and she was posting there, so I came to the conclusion it was me. More collateral damage associated with the breakup.

“The service was lovely,” Mom said as cheerfully as possible. She’d been a rock since finding Dad after his massive heart attack. She was the one who stayed with him while they waited for the ambulance to show up. She was the one holding his hand when he took his last breath. Her voice had cracked when she called me in Vancouver to tell me the news. I was so stunned that I didn’t say anything for the longest time. But then the adrenaline kicked in, and I knew I had to step up for my family. I was on a flight home hours later.

“It was,” I said.

Ava burst into renewed tears, which got Mom crying again. I didn’t know what to do other than hand them some tissues. I hadn’t cried, at least not in front of anyone. After I’d gotten off the phone with Mom, I’d called Brandi to tell her the news. She was preparing for her trip to Central America where she was part of a medical and dental team that offered free services to those who couldn’t afford it. The last thing I wanted her to do was cancel her trip to come to the funeral. She hadn’t even met my parents, so it didn’t seem right to meet Mom at Dad’s funeral. More importantly, I didn’t want to do that to Tangi. I couldn’t humiliate her like that.

“Sorry I can’t be there but we both know you don’t want to introduce me to your mom under these circumstances. Besides, I should probably be with my team.”

Things had always been so easy and surface-level with Brandi. That was what I liked about her. Even when we got into fights, it was about drama that bothered her way more than me, and as soon as she was done raging at me, we’d have spectacular makeup sex. Maybe it was shallow, but this was what I wanted after Tangi. Brandi was beautiful, we had wildly different worlds so we spent a lot of time doing our own things, and nothing ever felt complicated.

“You’re leaving in a few days. I don’t want you to change your plans.” Things had gotten rocky between us, and I knew we’d both been looking forward to her trip. To get some space. The last thing I wanted was to bring her to Dad’s funeral. “I’ll be there for at least a few weeks, helping my mom and sister with things. I think they’ll need me.”

“I’m so sorry about this. You’ve always said such great things about your dad. It’s too bad I didn’t get to meet him.”

We’d planned a trip home at the end of the summer, presumably to get back on track. I wanted everyone to finally meet her in person. It was going to be another quick in-and-out trip, but it was going to be an important one. Now that was all on hold.

Mom put her arm around Ava, and I stared out the window as they consoled each other. I thought of Dad. We talked to each other almost every day. The thought of not being able to pick up the phone and call him, get his advice, and listen to his dad jokes made my heart lurch. I was going to miss it all. How could he go and die on me like that?

Our car pulled up to the cemetery near the plot Mom and Dad had picked out years ago. Seeing the hole in the ground gave me a chill. Dad would be gone and he was never coming back, stuck under six feet of earth. I thought I was going to have him forever …

The driver opened the door and I got out, helping Mom and Ava out too. We stood next to the casket, waiting for the pastor to lead us to the plot and the final blessing. The rest of it was kind of a blur after I realized Tangi wasn’t going to be there. Right, family only, the way Dad had wanted it, but he surely would have made an exception for her. Damn, that was an oversight.

All these thoughts rambled through my head as Dad’s casket was lowered into the ground. Ava began to sob, and I put my arms around her and Mom. I would have to hold my family up now, even though I lived nearly a thousand miles away.

* * *

I kept telling myself that I had to get through the wake, then I could decompress. Maybe I’d invite a few old friends over and sit in the backyard with beers and reminisce. Maybe we’d talk about Dad, maybe we wouldn’t. I had no clue what we’d do, but I needed to be out of this place. Away from all these sad faces. So many people had patted me on the back and told me how great Dad was that I probably had the bruises to show for it.

Ava’s boyfriend Matt was the first to offer me an escape. He had two beers and pushed me toward the food tables. We had a huge spread, just like Dad wanted. He insisted his “going away” party be a blast.

“You gotta eat, man,” Matt said. “And drink too. Ava tells me your dad wanted a big to-do. I think he’d be happy. The place looks great. I think he’d also not want you to mope around.”

I snapped back the tab on the beer and took a long gulp. Iwashungry. Too much had been going on all morning to think about eating, so I piled cheese, crackers, various meats, some vegetables, and pickles on my plate. Dad loved his damn pickles. Mom made sure to order every kind imaginable.

“I think I could sleep for a week,” I said. “I’m trying really hard to be chipper.”

“You’ve had a lot of shit going on. People understand, but this is your dad’s last hurrah. Make it a good one.”

He was right. He was probably the only boyfriend I’ve ever liked of Ava’s. They’d been dating for a long time, and he’d even come out to Vancouver with Ava once. We’d had a blast. She’d finally picked a good one.

I glanced around but didn’t see Tangi. How many times had I looked for her? Too many. I had to stop.

“You looking for you mom?” he asked.

Shit, he’d noticed. “Uh, no—I mean, yes.”

He arched a brow, and I knew I was caught. “You’re looking for Tangi.”

Did I deny it? Matt and Ava had just started dating when Tangi and I broke up, but he was in her circle of friends, and he knew Tangi well. I hadn’t gotten to know Matt until he’d started dating my sister, and I didn’t know where he really stood on things. Since Tangi and Ava were friends, Ava and I had an understanding that we never brought her up. That seemed to work well.

“Is she doing okay?”

Matt pursed his lips, and I knew I was putting him in a tough spot. Even though he was a good two or three inches shorter and twenty-five pounds lighter, he had me feeling small for asking. He turned a little more and I did the same so that no one could listen in.

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