Page 17 of Dump and Chase

I sat on the toilet and stared at the word. The world seemed to close in on me at that moment. Not once had I considered this possibility. I figured I had lots of time to have kids. And hadn’t I decided to be done with Ethan forever? Now we had a tie that would keep us linked. But more importantly, I was growing a little person inside of me, one I would love with all my heart.

I think that settled my decision on whether I was keeping it.

A couple hours and a couple more tests later, I had all the confirmation I Needed. My hands shook as I stuffed everything in my bag, hiding the evidence until it was time to reveal the news. Next, I called my doctor’s office to make an appointment. It seemed like the right thing to do. The receptionist didn’t care that I was probably pregnant and my life was about to undergo a massive upheaval. When I told her I wanted to confirm the pregnancy with my doctor, she told me that if I’d taken three tests, I was pregnant, and that I could see the doctor in two weeks. Two weeks? She was going to make me wait that long? I channeled Jill who didn’t put up with bullshit or people blowing her off, so I made a fuss. She said she’d squeeze me in first thing, but if I was late, then I’d have to wait two weeks.

I didn’t sleep that night. I stared at my phone, trying to read, trying to meditate, anything to put me to sleep. Nothing worked. I’d barely eaten dinner and thankfully hadn’t seen Leah. She’d come in late from her shift at Newman’s, and I pretended to be asleep. She’d know something was wrong, and then I’d want to tell her. Andthenshe’d kill me.

The next morning, I was at my doctor’s appointment early, greeting the receptionist. As promised, she squeezed me in. Dr. Duncan smiled when she saw me. She was the best doctor I’d ever had. After the breakup with Ethan, I’d seen her when the anxiety and likely depression had been too much to cope with. She’d recommended therapy and put my on a low dose of anxiety meds. Within six months, I was back on track.

“Hello, Tangi. What brings you by today?”

“I think I’m pregnant and I want you to confirm.”

“Oh,” she said with a pleasant smile. “We can do a test right away.”

And she did. Fifteen minutes later, I had the news that didn’t surprise me.

“I have this conversation with all my patients, so I hope I’m not stepping out of line,” Dr. Duncan said. “Is this a pregnancy you want to continue? Because if it’s not, we have options we can discuss.”

I’d had the entire night to consider this. “I’m having the baby.”

“Okay. So we’ll make a schedule of prenatal appointments. Until then, I recommend some prenatal vitamins and continue doing what you’re doing. I know you like to keep active, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d like to see you again next month, and in the meantime, we’ll schedule an ultrasound.” She gave me more information about the first trimester, mapped out how far along I was—she figured I was about nine weeks—gave me a due date of mid-April, and it was all a mess of information that she was kind enough to give me on a printout.

I scheduled all my appointments and left the office in a fog. While I wanted to lean on Jill and Wolseley for support, telling Ethan first seemed like the right thing to do. This was going to turn my life upside down, and I was about to do the same to him.

* * *

I’d purged his phone number years ago, so I had to ask Ava for it. I’d spent hours trying to concoct a lie that wouldn’t arouse any suspicion. After some long thought, I’d decided to tell her I’d found some mementos from him junior days that he’d probably want, but since I wasn’t sure, I’d wanted to ask him myself. It was lazy, but it would do.

I texted her just before leaving my doctor’s office. The text was far too long and explained way too much, but without asking a single question, she replied with his number. Her second text nearly floored me.

He’s in town for a few days. You can give him the stuff if he wants it.

I hadn’t considered telling him in person. I dreaded the thought.

Ok. I’ll text him now.

My hands shook as I programmed his number into my phone. I’d probably need it from now on.

Hey, it’s Tangi. Can we meet?

I thought to add that it was important, but that would sound too desperate. I drove to work and got in a few minutes late for my shift. I’d told Diane, my boss, that I’d had a last-minute doctor’s appointment. Nevertheless, Judy, our receptionist, told me that Diane wanted to see me. Diane couldn’t possibly blame me for being less than fifteen minutes late. Besides, I didn’t have a client for another half hour.

I knocked on the door and she asked me to come in.

“Please close the door behind you,” she said.

Odd, but I didn’t question it. She always had her door open. I shut it and sat down across from her. Her desk was a mountain of papers. She was so old school and liked to have hard copies of everything. She didn’t trust computers, or backups, and thought clouds should only be in the sky. Thankfully, Judy kept an electronic copy of everything.

“Sorry I’m late. The appointment ran long.”

Diane looked down on me over her glasses. “Oh, I hadn’t noticed. That’s not why I wanted to talk to you today.” She folded her hands and looked at me thoughtfully. “I’m sure you noticed we haven’t been as busy lately. The biggest problem is that we simply have too much staff. That’s a me problem, since I’m the one who hired you all.”

I laughed politely. What else was I supposed to do?

“Tangi, your clients love you, and I know you’ve been working hard, and I hate that I have to do this, but I’ve got to let you go. We just don’t have the space for you. I like you a lot and you’re great around here, but you were the last one we hired, so you know how that goes. I’ve got to keep my senior staff happy and working, so I hope you understand. I will give you a glowing recommendation letter. And if someone here leaves, you will be the first one I call.”

I was too stunned to speak. She was firing me? So not only was I pregnant and on my own, but I was now unemployed? I swallowed hard and tried not to panic. How was I going to find a decent job and keep it while I was pregnant? That was a problem for later, because I’d just been let go and I decided to accept this with dignity.

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