Page 63 of Unknown Royal Baby

Of course he trusted her. He was spending so much time helping her learn to act like a royal. That was his focus, securing his daughter by moulding Avril into a suitable queen.

Then she stunned herself as well as him by blurting out, ‘But that’s not enough.’

When they’d entered the room she’d felt a burst of exaltation, imagining he found her attractive in her new dress. But he’d just been thinking how her appearance would please his subjects, because she supported local industry.

He praised her often, but always about her ability to learn or her performance in public. All he cared about was her future public role. Her ability to undertake royal duties.

Isam said something but she didn’t hear over the tumult in her blood.

Avril felt a ripping sensation inside, white-hot pain streaking through her then turning into a heavy anguished throb. As if some vital part of her had torn in two.

She stared into his stubbornly set features and confused eyes, and knew they could never go back to the way things had been.

This might have started with dismay at him keeping things from her. But now, suddenly, all the doubts and fears she’d battled for months coalesced, filling her with regret and resolution. And a terrible, terrible sadness.

Because finally she faced what she’d avoided ever since he’d proposed marriage.

‘I can’t do this any more, Isam. Coming here, living with you like this, was the biggest mistake of my life.’ She sucked in air on a half-sob half-sigh, misery overflowing. ‘I’ve tried so hard to convince myself, tried to believe we’d be happy and everything would work out for the best. But I can’t marry you and be your queen. I justcan’t.’

Avril had spent so long pushing down her feelings, pretending it would be all right, that duty and a great sex life would be enough. And their shared love for Maryam.

Her eyes glazed so that when Isam towered over her, his hands grasping her arms, she couldn’t read his expression clearly. She blinked but her vision didn’t clear.

‘Tell me, Avril. Tell me everything.’

To her amazement, instead of anger, she thought she heard the deep resonance of concern in his voice.

That’s what you want to hear. When will you stop fooling yourself?

His hold was supportive. That only made the pain well higher and faster, filling her till she didn’t know what to do with it.

‘Please, sweetheart. Talk to me.’

Something cracked inside her chest. When he used that endearment he almost undid her. It took her back to those intimate hours in his arms when they reached heaven together. When for a short time she’d believed the illusion that they were two halves of a single whole.

But it was an illusion. There was no romance, no love. There never would be. He used the endearment occasionally because he knew she liked it. That was all.

She told herself she was weak and selfish. She should put her daughter’s needs above her own. But it did no good. Avril had reached the end. She couldn’t go on.

‘Please, Isam. I can’t...’ She swallowed, emotion thickening her throat. ‘I can’t do this now. I need to be alone.’

It was all she could do to stand there, blinking back the hot tears prickling her eyes, refusing to let them fall.

He said something she couldn’t make out over her thundering pulse. When she didn’t reply he finally let her go and stepped back.

It was a measure of her distress that his withdrawal made her want to cry out. Because despite her words, she wanted to be in his arms, wanted him to reassure her it would all be okay, though that was impossible.

She swung away from him, arms clutching tight around her middle, trying to hold herself together.

When he silently left the room, desolation engulfed her.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ISAMKNEWPAIN. Or thought he did.

He’d been to hell and back after the chopper accident.

He still missed his father every day. And though his memory had substantially returned, he was always aware of the gap around that fatal day and those last precious hours with his father.

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