Page 56 of Italian’s Christmas Acquisition

Looking at the pain that he had caused Noelle created no small amount of shame inside of him. But he had work to do. He had to make sure that this charity event went off without a hitch. He had to prove that he was untouchable. He had to reclaim his control.

To prove that they would not have a win over him. It wasn’t that he doubted that. It was only that he was not used to having another person present when he was contending with anything. Having her in his house, in his life, was unprecedented.

And it made him have to consider things in a way he had not before. He had hurt her feelings.

He held on to her the whole way down to the car, and then into the car. He was aware that they were having their photograph taken, but that was not why he held her.

When they arrived at the venue, an outdoor garden, heated by a large rig set up all around, with lights strung above them, he was amazed.

“You planned this?”

“Yes,” she said.

“How did you even know where to begin?”

“I might be a small-town girl, but there’s nothing I know or love more than Christmas. Or a big Christmas event.”

There was a large Christmas tree at the center, reaching up past the string lights, the angel on top glittering brightly.

For some reason, it hit him square in the chest. They’d had so many things in their house, but never a Christmas tree. Never anything that was there with purpose or beauty. It was all ugly, desperate consumption.

This was not clean or spare. It was resplendent. Glittering.

It did not disgust him.

It made him feel something.

And he had no idea where to put it or what to do with it.

There were so many people waiting to speak to her, to congratulate her.

When he had chosen her to be his wife he had not imagined that she would shine on this level. She had been dragged through the mud. The media had been merciless to her.

And yet, here she was, with the glow on her face that could not be contained.

How could he have shut down as he did? When she deserved his unending praise?

This was his pattern, he supposed. When he felt out of control. When life felt out of his control.

He could not lock himself in a bedroom anymore, because he was not alone.

You would be the one freezing her out. And in that way, you would be like your mother.

He tried to push that thought to the side. He had been angry when she had drawn parallels between himself and his mother. But he couldn’t deny that they existed. It was becoming harder and harder to do so.

Control.

What a strange thing that control could take such different shapes, and essentially be from the same root.

The need to hoard, the need to consume, the need for space, the need for nothing.

It was only through her eyes that he could see the similarities. And clearly.

He pushed that thought to the side, because he didn’t need to have it tonight. Tonight was about her triumph. Tonight was about showing the world what they really were.

No. It’s not about showing the world what you really are. Your relationship is alive. It is for convenience...it is for business. You know that.

Except it didn’t feel like it was only that. He had missed her these past days. He had denied himself her body.

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