Page 41 of Italian’s Christmas Acquisition

“As you know, my mother reached a point where she could no longer leave the house.”

“You did mention that, yes.”

“There was nothing that could be done about it. She was a complete and total shut-in. Her phobias took over. She began to seek ways that she could control her surroundings. The way that she found peace...” He gritted his teeth. It was difficult for him to try and justify what his mother had done when he was so angry. And yet, he had done a fair amount of work to try and assign meaning to all that she had done. For his own peace, as well as her memory. Still there were times when all he wanted to do was rage.

This was one of those times.

Because having to expose it all again. To speak to somebody about it. To admit the truth to Noelle felt exposing, even if it shouldn’t. Both of the conditions that he had lived in as a child, and of his mother. And as much as he often resented his mother and her memory, he still loathed exposing her. It went against his own need to also protect. Still, he did his best. “She began to collect things. Small things at first, but it grew. And the issue with something like that, when it becomes a compulsion, when it weaves together with all the other existing phobias is that it quickly takes over every part of your life. Every room of the house.”

She was staring at him. “You said... You sometimes ate expired food.”

“She would hoard food as well. There was no way of knowing, often, how old something was. And she did not like to throw it out. The two members of staff that she had enabled her. I don’t know if they became used to the surroundings, or if it didn’t matter to them because they knew that my mother would remember them in her will, and they would be paid handsomely for the trouble of living in squalor. But for whatever reason, they acted as if everything was fine. But I couldn’t. I stayed in my room as much as possible, I locked my mother out. I would not allow it to become a dumping ground for her things. I could not allow it. The only measure of peace that I had in that house was my own space. And that is why when I left I would go through the secret passages.”

“You... You were so isolated,” she said. “When you said that you grew up in a wealthy family, that is by far not what I imagined.”

“It is not what anyone imagines. But mental illness doesn’t care if you have money. She could’ve had access to treatment, yes, but she didn’t take advantage of that access. She didn’t want to be fixed. She didn’t want to be better. Perhaps she couldn’t have been. Perhaps it was impossible for her to be better than she was, I will never know. What I know is she lived her last years in darkness, and isolation, and in secret. And then she wanted me to continue on in her quest to hoard things. In this case, property. And I have done so, because it has grown the business, but you can see, I hate this. This empty acquisition. This need to own. I keep very little in my home, you will find.”

“Oh,” she said.

“I like there to be space.”

“It makes sense. All the... You’re quite particular.”

“Now that I can control my surroundings, I do so.” He could hear himself. He could hear himself talking about control, and he could even recognize that was a close neighbor of his mother’s issues. But he did not think it was wrong. He did not think that he was wrong. Not truly. What he did, he did as a matter of his own survival. His own mental clarity. He liked to feel as far removed from his childhood as possible.

“I thought my childhood was perfect,” she said softly. “But, my mother ran away from it all as soon as she could. I thought that she loved our life. I thought that she loved me. But the truth is, if anything, she loved my dad. As soon as he was gone, so was she. And I know it’s not what you went through. But it’s just funny to me, how I’m clinging to my childhood as best I can, to the memory of what I thought it was. Trying to prove that it was perfect. And you’re running as far away from yours as possible.”

It was two different things. The opposite things, even, and yet there was something in the sadness in her voice that made him feel like they were connected by an invisible string. He wasn’t sure that he liked the sensation, but there it was. Powerful. Intense.

“And yet here you are, in the midst of change,” he said, and he wasn’t sure if he was pointing it out to put distance between them or simply to see what she would do. She looked down. “I made my choice.”

“You must admit, I steered you quite strongly.”

She nodded. “You did. You also underestimate my ability to fight, Rocco. I am strong and stubborn.”

“In my experience you are not so hard to persuade.”

She shook her head. “I have been opposing my mother on the sale of that house for two years now. I am very hard to persuade. I live up there, in perfect happiness with my own company. You... Changed something in me. You made me see that something else could exist. I didn’t quite understand what that might look like. I still don’t. But I’m here.”

“You should go and get changed,” he said.

“My suitcases...”

“No. In the bedroom there is some clothing for you. You will have your picture taken when you get off the plane.”

“And I have to look a certain way.”

“Yes.”

“Like I belong with you.”

He paused for a moment. “You are in the midst of change, as I only just pointed out. I think it is only fair for me to acknowledge that you are the one that will have to change the most. I am bringing you into my life. You will accompany me to different events as and when I need you to. You will get off this plane and create the photo op that I want you to create. You will have my child.”

“Presumably the child will also be mine.”

“Yes. I have no desire, nor the inclination or ability to be a full-time father. But these things... These changes, you’re making for me. I am not changing. I feel that must be abundantly clear.”

“Rocco, if you think that you can get married, bring a woman into your home, bring a child into your home and experience no change at all, I’m not sure you’re living in reality. I think it’s only fair to point that out to you.” She stood up and stretched. “Now. I guess I’ll go change.” She laughed. “I only meant my clothes. But I suppose in reality it means... Everything.”

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