Page 91 of Text Appeal

My blood is boiling. I honestly don’t think I have ever been this angry in my life. It’s the only excuse I have for shoving him. Just pushing my palms against his chest and yeah. Not that it moves him much. “Why are you here, Connor?”

He grunts.

“Answer me, you fucking caveman,” I yell at him.

And he shouts back, “He had no business holding your hand.”

The room has fallen silent around us. Not a sound can be heard. Even the music seems to have stopped. But whatever. This is between me and him.

I cock my head. “Why do you care who holds my hand?”

“Did you tell them you were leaving town? Seems like the kind of thing you should share.”

“Oh, I am not going anywhere.”

He pauses. “What?”

“You know you never even asked me? Just jumped to conclusions. But I am not your ex, and I am perfectly happy right where I am.”

“If she’s so happy, why is she shouting?” asks someone. Which is a solid question. Though they’re quickly shushed by the crowd.

Connor on the other hand just stands there in silence. Not a word is said. Something I don’t mind since I have yet to share all of my thoughts with him. My moment to monologue has come.

“We talk a lot about happy, don’t we?” I ask. “But I was honestly happier with you than I have been with anyone. I felt more for you than I have for anyone. Which is ridiculous when you think about it. Six days. Just six.”

His jaw shifts moodily from side to side. However, his mouth stays shut, and my heart keeps breaking. So many pairs of eyes are on me. Feet are shuffling in the awkward embarrassing silence. It all needed to be said, but having this conversation in public…yeesh. As much as I love Port Stewart, this town sure has a way of putting me in my place.

Someone clears their throat. My shoulders fall and my back bows. I must be a sure thing for this year’s town fool. Noah and Brian will be relieved to know they’re no longer in the running.

“But none of that matters since you made the choice not to be with me,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Go back to your side of the room, Connor. It’s time for me to get on with my life.”

His arms hang at his sides, but he’s stretching out his fingersas if there’s something he wants. If only he could just grab hold. “Blue…”

“What? What do you want, Connor? Do you even know?”

His nostrils flare and his gaze is hyper focused on me. Like he can see inside my heart and head and read my intentions. But his words still don’t come out. I don’t know what he wants and perhaps I never will.

“Say it,” someone urges from the crowd. I think it’s his brother Stuart.

Time for me to give up. Again. And this time I am definitely not turning back to him. Because how many times can you suffer public humiliation before heading home and going into hiding for the rest of the year? Seriously.

People stand aside, making a path for me to leave. One step after the other. I just need to get out to the street and breathe some fresh air and get my shit together. And I am almost at the door. Thank goodness.

“I am not ready to feel all of this,” he finally says from behind me. His voice sounds like he’s forcing it out through gritted teeth. “I can’t do this again so soon. And it’s bigger with you and I just…I can’t do this again.”

Ugh. My feet freeze at the sound of his voice and I turn around. It’s not like this news is a surprise. “Okay.”

“Then you’ll wait a while?”

“No. I wish I could. I really do. But you’re breaking my heart here, Connor. There’s no way I am dragging this pain and uncertainty out any longer. That’s not something I can do.”

His lips thin-line.

“You know, if I felt less for you, it would be fine. It’s a compliment, really.”

Still nothing from him.

“I am going to leave now. We’re not talking about this again and I am not going to change my mind. Maybe sometime in the future we can give being friends a go. But we won’t be together like we were. It’s over, okay? Guess we both need to make peace with that.”

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