Page 67 of Text Appeal

“Here you go.”

“Thanks. Why is this in your fridge?” I stare at the bottle in confusion. “You don’t drink it. I am not even convinced you like sweet things in general.”

“Is this the part where I say I’m sweet enough?” he asks and pops the cap off a beer. And the thing is, he only found out about my penchant for this cider last night at the bar. Which means that sometime between leaving me standing on the sidewalk after breakfast and picking me up to go to the reunion, he went and bought me some. Just in case. I’m not sure if this is important or not. But given recent events, it feels like it might be.

“Before you repeat yourself again, Riley, I’m not calling anyone or disappearing for a while to have sex.”

“Why not? Scared I’ll go through your underwear drawer while you’re out?” The moment the joke leaves my lips, I want to take it back.Shit.Where is Katja to slap her hand over my mouth when I need it?

As for Connor, he flashes me the fakest smile in the whole wide world and heads for the front door with his drink in hand.

Here is the moment of truth. Or rather, there goes the moment of truth. Along with the man I have all these messy emotions for. It feels like the window to sort this out is rapidlydiminishing. I could just follow his lead and allow the topic to disappear into the ether. It’s not a bad idea. Sex can kill a friendship. I have seen it happen a time or two. Given how few friends I have in town, can I really afford to lose him?

No. Probably not. Though I really would like to ride him like a pony. Dammit.

Okay. This is fine. We’re going to sit outside and gaze at the heavens. Just the two of us hanging out after a heck of a night. Which sounds nice in theory. But I think I’m having a panic attack just the same. My stomach is sinking, and my heart is pounding and—

“Stop!”

Connor freezes. “What’s wrong?”

“I, um…”

“You look like you’re freaking out.”

“Yeah. I am. This is happening too fast. The moment is slipping away and…I think I’m doing the wrong thing.”

“Okay. Take a breath for me, Blue.”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly while fanning my face with my hands. Because losing my shit over the possibility of not having sex with him puts me in this state apparently. “That’s better.”

“Good.” He nods. “Now what did you want to say?”

“I wanted to know why you weren’t calling any of your special friends. Because doing so would not really be cheating, you know?” I ask. “But then I made a joke and you didn’t tell me. And I really need to know the answer to that question. Please.”

The smile falls off his face and the line of his throat moves as he swallows. “I’m not calling anyone else because I don’t want anyone else.”

“Oh.”

“Thing is…I’m worried I’m heading in the wrong direction with you by trying to bring sex into it. And I’m worried I’m going to wind up making you uncomfortable when that’s the last thing I want to do.”

“Keep talking.”

His brows draw down in frustration or misery or some combination of the two. “Do I have to?”

I just nod.

“Shit. I didn’t just worry about you all day. I wondered about you too. Mostly what you looked like naked.” He squints like he’s expecting me to smack him upside the head or something. “Is that okay?”

“Do you often have these sort of thoughts about friends and or acquaintances?”

“No. Or never to this degree. I can’t get you out of my head. But also, I don’t want to,” he says. “It’s been a while since I’ve been this worked up about someone. This situation with us can get kind of confusing, but… Iamconfused, actually. Can I stop talking now?”

“Sure.”

“Thank fuck for that.” He downs about half his beer. You’d think he just solved the world peace problem. “We going to go sit out and look at the stars or what?”

“It sounds like we’re both worried about the same thing. What if sex wrecks the friendship?”

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