Page 60 of The Last Days of Lilah Goodluck

“That’s what I said.”

At this, he snorts. “Let me guess. You’d prefer we take things slow, overthink it for a while, throw in some mutual pining, and see what happens.”

“No. I just think stepping back from this just for tonight might not be a bad idea.”

“It’s not a good one either.”

“Would it mean anything, us having sex?”

“Does it have to mean anything?”

“I don’t know. I’m obviously not averse to hookups, but this feels different,” I say. “Why don’t we give ourselves tonight to think this over? Circle back to the subject tomorrow over lunch or drinks or something?”

“Did you actually just suggest we circle back to the subject of us having sex?”

“Yeah...”

“Tell me you’re not working on a list in your mind entitled ‘Reasons Lilah and Alistair Shouldn’t Bang.’”

“That wasn’t the title I was going with, but there’s nothing wrong with a nice clear bullet-point presentation of the facts. And it was more of a pros-and-cons thing.”

“Right. Well, I think we should just fuck and get it out of the way,” he says wisely. Or so the sage expression on his face seems to suggest. “I’ll give you the great sex you’re after. You can tick another item off your wish list. Then we can go back to being just friends.”

“Get it out of the way... I don’t know.”

“I didn’t hear a yes. Did you mean to insert a yes in there?”

I pin my lips shut with my teeth for a moment. “Just to double-check. You’re offering me sex followed by a swift return to platonic friendship?”

“Great sex. That’s right.”

“The ego on you. I’m trusting you to keep your pants on,” I say, taking a step back. It’s nice to hear he finds me attractive and wants to play naked with me. Given the whole “I might be dead soon” issue, I should probably jump on both the opportunity and the man. It’s the only reasonable response to such an offer in such a situation. And yet I am hesitating.

“Well?” He puts his hands on his hips and stares down at me. “Are you done overthinking it?”

“For now. Things feel weird between us, and I don’t want to compound the situation.” My polite smile is small and set. “Therefore, my decision is we have sex tomorrow. This would also give us both time to anticipate the act, which I think would be pleasant.”

By the positioning of his dark brows, I am able to see that the man is both put out and surprised. Being denied things is not his norm. “Why not tonight?”

“Tomorrow is really not that far away.”

“Or, and hear me out here, you could just take off your clothes now.”

“That’s another issue. I need a minute to get used to the idea of being naked in front of you,” I say. My face feels hot again. There’s a chance I might be allergic to all this honesty, particularly in one night.

His eyebrows rise in surprise. “Why?”

“No. We’re not discussing this. It’s personal and messy. But I’m also not always great with surprises, and honestly, this coming from you has been quite surprising.”

“What are you worried about, Lilah?”

It is absolutely my turn to ignore a question. Getting into my relationship with my own body and a lifetime’s worth of negative messaging from the media about the same is a no. Then there’s me wanting time to shave and wax and primp some. “What time suits you tomorrow?”

But the cranky and still-half-naked man didn’t seem to get the message. He takes a step toward me and says, “You’re not delaying because you’re worried I’ll be shit in bed, are you?”

I wrinkle my nose in both distaste and confusion. “Are you serious?”

“You heard me.”

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