Page 79 of Risking it All

“It doesn’t matter if it’s today or tomorrow or—”

“Not today,” she cut me off with force. “Come home with me. Please.”

Her pleas cut through me, and even though agreeing would only delay the inevitable, I gave in. “Okay. I’ll do it. I’ll come home with you.”

Macie tackled me in a hug, and I wrapped my arms around her, allowing myself this one moment in heaven. I’d allow the stall, if only for today, to give myself the opportunity to soak up all that I had to lose, to give myself as many sweet memories ofMacie as possible before I had to enter hell and let her go for good.

Chapter thirty-six

Macie

Once Demarius and Melanie heard Relic planned on heading to my house to wait on news of Lev, they asked if they could join, and I agreed. The day shifted by slowly as we waited. Mom made us lunch and we sat in the basement and halfheartedly watched movies. We did have one major conversation. Between movie one and two, Demarius said, “Are we going to ignore what happened with Melanie?”

I’d been sitting on the floor in front of the couch while she played with my hair because it was something she liked doing that made her relax. Her grip on my hair tightened as she tensed. I shot a panicked, “oh no,” glance at Demarius. Was discussing her cutting now the best option?

Relic also raised a questioning eyebrow at Demarius. Yet Demarius continued with, “Who knew she was such a badass fighter.”

Relic cracked his first grin of the day. “Melanie, you’re the type of friend I want with me when shit hits the fan.”

Melanie returned to playing with my hair, this time braiding it. “I didn’t do anything. Macie’s the one who took him down.”

“You were a raging wolverine,” Demarius exclaimed. “A badass.”

“Very badass,” Relic added.

“It’s unbecoming to resist your badass title,” Demarius said.

“Thank you for being my friends.” Melanie paused with my hair, and I glanced back at her to see her fiddling with her friendship bracelets.

“You don’t need to thank us for that,” I said. “We’re lucky to have you.”

She frowned and I understood what was going on inside her. This need to feel like you had to say something that scared you. “Why do you like me? Because now you know I…” she trailed off, leaving unsaid about her cutting.

My heart hurt. “I wish you wouldn’t do it again, but it doesn’t change how we feel. We all have something going on inside us that we’re scared people will judge, which sort of makes us possibly the least judgmental people in existence.”

“Except when Lev wears a shark suit,” Relic said. “I judge that. Or when Macie dips her fries in mayonnaise. I double judge that. I also judge Macie when she thinks she operates a ride better than me.”

“I do operate rides better than you,” I countered.

Relic gave me a wink. “Mayo, Macie. It’s unnatural.”

“I’m not ready to talk yet,” Melanie admitted.

“Join the club,” Relic muttered as Demarius added, “I get that.”

“There’s a load I don’t want to talk about,” I said. “But we’re here when you’re ready.”

Later, Demarius drove Relic to pick up Camila from daycare. When they returned, we had Mom’s lasagna and headed to the backyard to play with Camila. The summer evening waned, andthe overhead light Dad installed so my brothers and I could play late at night flashed on. One of the two million ways Dad did whatever he could for our happiness. Guilt gnawed in my chest and the basketball bounced past me. I picked it up and tossed it to the group. “I’ll be back.”

Everyone continued with the game, and I was super slow as I walked into the garage. Dad had the radio on, listening to the heavy metal station, and he sat on a stool as he drew out whatever he wanted to build next. As a little girl, I used to sit on the stool next to him, asking to be included, and Dad welcomed my involvement with open arms. I wished I was that little girl again. Wished I could easily hop up on that empty stool feeling like it belonged to me.

“Hey,” I said, and Dad glanced up in surprise.

“Hey, Mace. You okay?”

“Yeah. Sort of. I’m worried about Lev.”

“I get that.” Heavy emotions filled his eyes, and I could tell he did understand. “Everything okay with your friends?” Their laughter carried in from outside as an answer.

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