Page 59 of Risking it All

Like that night, it was dark, but this time stars dotted the sky. It had been cloudy that February, and flurries had fallen as I lay on the ground gasping for air. Now the night boarded on sweltering, yet I shivered. At the stop sign, I halted and swiftly turned. Everyone stared at me, but I didn’t see them.

I saw the car that had come up behind me, saw the two beams of light set on high that had blinded me in the rearview mirror. I had thought how strange it was for another car to be here. Had felt a surge of annoyance when their front bumper had jolted into my car. Their passenger side door opened. I opened my door to ask how they wanted to handle the situation, and then—

Nausea rolled through me, and my knees gave. Relic raced forward, caught me, then helped lower me to the street. But as soon as my hands felt the rough blacktop, my stomach turned and I dry-heaved.

“Get her off the street, Relic!” Lev called out. “Onto the grass. Get her on the grass. They said she was left on the street.”

Relic swooped me up, but it was too late. As soon as he placed me on the grass, I vomited. Over and over again. Relic held me up. Melanie kept my hair out of my face.

When it was clear I had nothing left in me to expel, I sat back on my butt and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Lev asked. “Dad said it’s not a real party until someone pukes. I guess that means I’ve been to my first party.”

I don’t know why, but that made me smile. “Did he really say that?”

“He says lots of weird things, but he doesn’t believe yetis are real. It baffles me.”

My mind cleared. Because even in the midst of chaos, Lev was still Lev. A supernova still burning when all the other planets had been sucked into the black hole.

“You okay?” Melanie asked. Relic’s cautious stare asked the same question.

“Nope,” I answered honestly. “Help me up.”

Relic guided me to my feet. When it was clear I wasn’t going to fall over again, he released me but stayed near. For the first time since having this atrocious idea, I took a deep breath that fully filled my lungs. Weird. I never believed that the air here could smell sweet. It felt wrong. Off. To me, it should smell like death.

“I died here,” I said into the still night. I could feel everyone vibrating with shock and fear.

“What did you say?” There was a tremor of rage in Relic’s tone.

“When the paramedics arrived, my heart stopped. I don’t remember the paramedics. I don’t remember the moment I went unconscious. I just remember not wanting to die.”

Why was I here other than to torture myself? I looked at the faces of my group therapy—no, my friends—and when I saw Demarius, I remembered. He and I had made a deal. How could I tellhimto move forward if I wasn’t even trying?

Move forward. What did that mean? I guess it meant finding a way to tell the world what happened, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t talk about what happened after their car hit mine. That wound was still too deep, still bleeding too profusely—no matter how many tourniquets I applied.

But maybe, instead of focusing on what I couldn’t talk about, I could focus on something that I could verbalize. In the grass, I walked in a circle and then pointed toward an overgrown bush. “That’s where they threw my phone. I never understood why they didn’t steal that, too.” Words I had never said aloud before, and my body vibrated as if I had been shocked by electricity, yet I still found a way to talk. Go me.

“Because the police can track you through it. Especially an iPhone,” Relic said. “They should have broken it before they tossed it, and they should have never shot at you. That createsheat and complications nobody wants, but it sounds like the entire job got botched.”

A tightening in my chest. “How do you know that?”

“I already told you, my dad’s an ex-con. He used to lift cars when he was a teenager before he moved on to more lucrative ways to go to prison.”

There was a swift intake of air from Melanie, a slight, “Damn,” from Demarius, and of course Lev would come in with, “That sounds much more interesting than my dad.”

It was like watching the sunrise as it all clicked. “You think if I give you enough clues, you can figure out who did this because your dad will know them.”

“It’s a long shot,” Relic answered. “There are a lot of gangs in the city who do dirty shit, and my dad only has an alliance with one. There’s odds this was done by teenagers with no loyalty, looking for a joyride and some social media fame. But I might have a better inside track than most.”

Probably even the police. Another wave of dizziness spun through me. “What if you talk to your dad and he talks and then the people find out that I’m talking?” What if they did come after me again? What if they came after my family?

“Look at me, Macie,” Relic said in a low voice, and when I did, his serious gaze held my panicked one. “I’m smarter than that. None of this will clap back on you. I swear it. We’re doing this to make sure you’re safe, not to put you in danger. Keeping them out of jail only gives them power and keeps you in fear.” When I said nothing, he continued, “You with me?”

No, but I needed to be, so I nodded.

“You want to go, or do you want to look around some more?” Relic asked.

I longed to run far, far away, but I didn’t want to live in fear anymore. I surveyed the area again, wondering if I had any more words left for the evening.

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