Page 45 of Risking it All

Yeah, I hated me, too. “Please let me drive you home.”

As if it were cutting her in half to do so, she gave me her keys and didn’t meet my eyes as she went to the passenger side. She got in, slammed her door shut, and I fucking hated my life.

I eased in, started the car, and pulled out onto the road. The silence between us was so thick that I could hardly breathe. We reached her neighborhood too quickly, and as soon as I put the car in park in the empty cul-de-sac, she wrenched her door open and jumped out. With a heavy sigh, I got out and met her at her at the front of the car. She stared at the blacktop as I stared at her. I wish I had words. I wish I could find a way to make thisbetter between us, but maybe Marsh was right. Maybe it was better things were broken off now before it went too far. Because here was the truth—Macie and I would have never worked.

“Are you going to be able to drive yourself the rest of the way okay?” I asked.

My answer was her stalking to the driver’s side.

“Macie,” I called out, and she stopped. Didn’t turn to look at me, but she stopped. Fuck me for not having the right words. “I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me, but I’ll still drive you to work. We can keep doing this if you want.”

“You are not my friend. A real friend wouldn’t use me or the worst moment in my life like that.”

But I had wanted to be her friend. I wanted so much more with her. “It’s up to you. I understand whatever decision you make.” With that, I walked away.

***

My sister pulled out of the parking lot as I had walked onto the street for our place. She stopped then yelled at me out the window, “Don’t give him attitude.”

My response to her before she tore off: “I wasn’t supposed to be home for another hour. Don’t purposefully leave Camila alone with him again.” Fuck whoever it was Lyra was dating. Because of this person, she left us alone more and more each week.

I trudged up the stairs of the complex, opened the door to my place, and found Dad on the couch. He glanced up at me from a phone I assumed he either stole or Eric bought him.

“Hey,” he said. “Lyra left for a date before work, and she called me to babysit.”

No fight left in me, I started for my room, but Dad said, “Marsh stopped by.”

Marsh. I rubbed both of my hands over my face. So determined to keep me from Macie, he’d said what he had to drive her away.

“He seemed torn up,” Dad said. “He left an envelope on the counter for you.”

I took the two steps, snatched the envelope, and my stomach dropped. Inside was one hundred dollars in twenties. In Marsh’s messy handwriting was a note:I’m sorry. I’m looking out for you, brother. I paid off what you’re short for on the next payment on your dad’s debt. Here’s another hundred to keep the electricity on. I owe you for hurting you. Text me when you’re ready to talk again. Until then, I’ll give you the space you need.

Chapter twenty

Macie

Group therapy was uncomfortably silent. Relic didn’t say one word. I didn’t say one word. We both sat with our arms crossed, doing everything in our power to not look at one another. At least I did. I felt so unbelievably hurt and betrayed that the pain inside me mirrored the pain of thinking of February.

The most frustrating part of the situation was that I still needed his help. I still couldn’t drive more than the two blocks from home, and I could barely drive those two blocks without passing out from anxiety. So, to make my parents—who were blustery with happiness that I was driving—still happy, I kept up the charade and Relic and I never spoke.

“Okay, everyone,” Zuri tossed her hands into the air. “I give. What’s going on? The past couple sessions, all of you were participating, and I felt like we had made some major headway. Now, even when I pull names, no one talks. Can someone clue me in on what I’m missing?”

Relic stayed stoic. Demarius rolled his neck like he was uncomfortable. Beside me, Melanie twitched like she wanted to talk, but couldn’t. Zeus the therapy dog had stuck by her side since the start of the session. He currently had his head on her lap and he occasionally whined. It was weird for Melanie to stay as quiet as she had been today, and even Lev was unusually silent. He flipped his gaze between me and Relic like he was watching an extremely intense tennis match. He had been doing this nearly the entire hour, and it had gotten old three minutes in.

“Anyone?” Zuri prodded. “On anything? Can someone say something?”

Lev leaned over to Demarius and whispered, yet everyone could hear, “I don’t think the shrink notices Mom and Dad are fighting.”

Relic’s head dropped in an obvious, “Fuck me,” and I rubbed my temples as a terrible ache pulsed in my brain.

“What do you think is going to happen to us kids in the divorce?” Lev continued to whisper to Demarius. “It’s obvious that Melanie is going to need our support. I think it’s hitting her hard, but I’m worried about you, big guy. Do you need a shoulder to cry on?”

“Lev!” both Relic and I snapped at the same time, and at that moment, Melanie bolted out of the room.

Zuri called out, “Melanie,” as Lev said, “What did I do?”

Somehow, feeling stupidly responsible for Melanie’s hurt feelings, I went after her.

---