Page 102 of Risking it All

Zuri:Then don’t come to group therapy. Come meet with me.

Me:I can’t.

Zuri:Just once. Either that or I’ll come to you.

I didn’t want that, so I caved:Fine. Just once. When?

Zuri:Tomorrow. Name the time and I’ll be here.

Tonight, Camila wanted to “read” me her bedtime story. Why the fuck not?

Too damn hot for blankets, I stripped them from her bed, and she leaned against the wall as she “read” to me. Most of the words she didn’t know, but I had read the book so much to her she had the story memorized, even knew when to turn the page. I sat on the floor next to her bed and used my cell as a nightlight as we still didn’t have power.

“When can we go back to Joppa’s?” Camila asked. Joppa being Demarius’ little sister.

Never. “School will be starting soon, and you’ll make new friends.”

“But I like Joppa and she liked me. We’re best friends.”

Yeah, Demarius, Lev, and Melanie had become my best friends, too. Macie, the girl that I loved. But how did I explain to a child that our life was too dangerous for the people we cared about? “We’ll visit them again soon,” I lied. What else could I do?

“Why are you and Lyra fighting?”

Because she betrayed me. “We see things differently.”

Camila fiddled with her stuffed frog. “Is it because of me?”

“No,” I answered immediately. “Why would you think that?”

“She doesn’t pick me up early from daycare anymore, and she’s not home much. I thought maybe she doesn’t want me. She’s forgotten me again. A couple times.”

I lowered my head in frustration. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t want you mad. She came home before you did.”

I could strangle my older sister. “Lyra’s been busy. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

Camila kept staring at her frog. “Are you going to get too busy for me, too?”

My heart shattered. “No. Never.” But what would happen to her if I died? What would happen to her if I got arrested? I had to ask myself these questions because both were real possibilities that came with working under Eric.

“I’m hungry, Relic,” she said softly. “Do we have any other food?”

I searched high and low, and we had nothing. “You’ll eat at daycare and then I’ll buy you a whole Happy Meal all to yourself tomorrow for dinner. I promise.”

That didn’t make her smile like I’d hoped. Instead, she handed me her book, settled onto her pillow, then reached out to me. I took her hand in mine, and she said, “Will you stay with me? There’s a fifty percent chance of storms tonight.”

Fifty percent it could all turn out okay. Fifty percent it could all turn to shit. That I understood. “Yeah, I’ll stay.” Where else was there for me to go?

***

Lyra left her car keys on the kitchen counter and the car in the parking lot along with a note that said she was staying at Travis’ to allow me space until I was ready to talk. If she was giving meroom until I no longer wanted to scream at her, I hoped she liked living with Travis for the next six months. I guessed the car was her, “I’m sorry,” for fucking over my life.

I dropped Camila off at daycare and then drove over to the high school. My brain was so damn full that it felt like someone smashed my skull in with a crowbar. Would I ever return to school again? What would be the point? Just a daily reminder of people preparing for a future I’d never have. Would my work with Eric even fit around a high school schedule? More importantly, could Eric understand how I needed to take care of Camila?

Working for Eric wasn’t like clocking in and out of a job. It meant being owned.

Thankful that the front door to the school was unlocked, I made my way down the hallway for Zuri’s office. I didn’t have a lot of expectations for today. Figured she’d talk a lot, I’d try to be polite with my silence, and then I’d leave. I’d thank her again before I left. I’d given her shit at the start of all this that she hadn’t deserved. Zuri needed to know she could change lives. Not mine, but others.

---