Page 55 of Risking it All

Lev stood, leaned over to Macie, held his hand out to Melanie, and the invitation was clear as he began to dance, his red plaid skirt twirling as he spun. They joined him. With the music only they could hear in their heads, the three of them danced and sang to the rest of the chorus, causing Demarius to laugh and me to smile.

At the end of the chorus, Lev continued with the next verse, and that kid could sing. Demarius shared a “Did you hear that?” glance then he joined the dance party as he encouraged Lev to keep going with the appropriate “Hey now,” and “Let’s go!”

Macie’s smile in my direction made me want to fall to my knees in worship. She beckoned me with her fingers, and theshake of my head informed her I’d have to be dead before I danced to this song. She laughed as if she could read my mind. Then, unfazed by me, she returned to moving her body in glorious ways that made me wonder when the two of us could have proper time alone so I could kiss her the way she deserved.

Zuri white-knuckled the papers in her hand, then whipped her head around.. Mrs. Collins stood, a hip cocked in the doorway, and watched the rebellion with an amused expression. Zuri threw out a hand in a “What do I do?” Mrs. Collins mouthed, “Go with it.”

What a fucked-up group we truly were, but did it get much better than this?

As they ended the song, all of us, including me, gave Lev a standing ovation. He had a proud yet flustered smile along with red cheeks as he waved his hands at us. “Stop it. You’re embarrassing me.” Because we could tell he was eating it up, we went into another round of cheers.

We all sat, and Macie struck straight for the meat of the question on everyone’s mind. “You are so talented, Lev. Why aren’t you doing this all the time? In chorus or in musical theater at school?”

“Damn, don’t box him in, Macie,” Demarius said. “You have big talent. We should be showing your moves and singing on social media. You’d be a star in a heartbeat.”

A dark raincloud settled over Lev, and it sucked all the joy from the room. Zeus trotted over to Lev and laid his head on his lap. Lev rubbed his ears with both hands as if he needed comfort.

“Tell us what’s happening inside you,” Zuri said in a kind voice. “This is a safe space for you. Everyone here cares and respects you.”

Lev kept petting the dog then said, “My dad doesn’t like me.”

His hurt became a boomerang of sorrow that ricocheted off my soul.

“My mom said all Dad ever wanted was a son.” Lev concentrated on Zeus, talking to the dog as if that were easier than facing anyone else. “My dad was a huge athlete in high school. All-Star everything. My earliest memories are of being at the batting cages or on the basketball court or even playing football. I hated it. All of it.”

“What do you like?” Zuri prodded.

Lev glanced up at Zuri, just for a moment. “Music.” Then back to Zeus. “Music fills my body, and it comes out as dancing. It fills my soul and comes out as song. When I dance or sing, I feel like me.” His face scrunched like he was fighting tears, then he shook his head as if frustrated. “But Dad hates it when I’m me.”

“I like you.” Melanie leaned toward Lev to grab his attention. “I like it when you’re being you.”

“Me, too,” Macie said.

“I’m all in for everything that is you,” Demarius added.

Lev peeked at me. I didn’t join in due to peer pressure, but because it was the truth. “I have nothing but respect for you. I have a shit dad, too. Those motherfuckers don’t define us.”

“He’s still my dad, though. How do you get past wanting your dad to be an actual dad?”

His question shot an arrow into pain I had buried deep, and I crossed my arms to try to push it back down. “I don’t know. But I can’t let that bastard win.”

To be honest, I didn’t understand what I was saying. They were words that came from a place I never allowed myself to visit, but the way Lev’s eyes empathized with me, the way he nodded, told me he did understand. If that were the case, I wished he’d explain it to me.

The timer went off, and all of us jumped and shifted in our seats as the beeping shocked us out of a deep state. Zuri forced a smile. “That was a great session everyone. I’m proud of all of you.”

Mrs. Collins walked into the room. “Lev, would you mind hanging back with me and Zuri for a few minutes?”

Lev nodded, and as I stood, I clapped him on the back because what else could I do to make him feel better? “See you at work.” Tomorrow, as I had off today.

Everyone else also specifically said goodbye to Lev, and we left the room silently as a group, Lev hanging heavily on everyone’s mind, or at least mine. How could we get over our fathers?

Once outside, none of us dispersed to our appointed cars or rides. No one wanted to leave or, like me, no one wanted to abandon Lev. Finally, Melanie said, “We should do something for Lev. Something to let him know we care about him.”

Macie blinked in an I-should-have-thought-of that way. “It’s a good idea.”

“We can go to my house,” Demarius offered. “We have an inground pool, and we can go swimming. Or we have a home theater room and can watch movies. My parents love it when I have people over. I promise they will barbecue us a feast. I can ask Lev if he wants to stay the night so he doesn’t have to worry about a ride from his dad.”

Macie looked up at me. “Will that work for you?”

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