Page 23 of Risking it All

Dad grinned, really grinned. A grin I hadn’t seen from him from before February, and that made me feel like trash. Fantastic, I finally made him happy, and it was based on a complete and total lie. How the hell was I going to get out of this?

“Really?” Mom questioned, and I could sense that her Mom radar was picking up vibrations. Not only that, but her therapist mode had also flipped on. “No anxiety? Panic?”

If I drove, there likelywouldbe massive panic and anxiety. “I mean, yeah, at first, but then it was weird and then normal, and then I was home.” Because that sounded believable?

Mom looked at Dad, Dad beamed at Mom; I stared at both and willed them to believe me. Mom glanced back at me, and her apprehension was palpable. “How would you feel about driving again?”

Again? I placed the stuffed bunny on my arm where I felt the burning itch of an impending hive. If I said no, Dad would stop smiling, and my heart couldn’t take much more disappointing him…or hurting them. “Yeah…totally…I think I can handle it.” Lie, lie, lie, lie.

The pure relief on her face hit me hard in my chest. I had no idea how much strain Mom had been under until I saw a few of those muscles that had been constrained since February loosen. It was akin to watching a baby unicorn take its first step. A wet shine glossed her eyes.

Aw, hell. I made Mom proud/happy cry. It was going to crush them if they learned I couldn’t drive.

“Isaiah’s been waiting for this,” Dad said.

My forehead crunched in confusion. “Isaiah?”

“Yeah. As soon as you came off the ventilator, he and Ariel found a car for you. They’ve been working night and day, and they finished it before Ariel went to Europe.”

My mouth hung open as I searched for words. “But Ariel didn’t say anything.”

“We told her not to,” Mom said. “We didn’t want you to feel pressured to drive.”

Well…yeah…that was an awesome idea that I just destroyed. As panic welled inside me—again—I had to concentrate hard for my voice to not sound tight. “They didn’t need to do that.”

They really, really, really didn’t need to do that. Because that meant I had a car, and I didn’t want a car because if I had a car, I had to drive, and I didn’t want to drive.

Mom and Dad exchanged a heavy glance, and Mom squeezed my ankle again. “They wanted to do this for you.”

“Not being able to do anything to help…” Dad added. “That was hard for them. They hated feeling useless, so they needed to do this…for you.” The way his eyes softened with pain and anguish made me want to hide, because Dad described what he and Mom and everyone else felt when it came to me, and I hated myself for it—hated that I was putting them through this.

I needed out of this scenario. “Do you mind if I take a shower? I feel gross.”

Dad smiled, so did Mom, and I realized that was something I would have said before February, because I used to care about how I looked. Now, I wanted a shower to hide.

“Sure,” Dad said. “What do you want for breakfast? I’ll make whatever you want. Bacon, eggs, pancakes.”

Nothing. I wanted nothing, but said, “Pancakes.” Because those were Oliver’s favorites, and I owed him for this stuffed rabbit that was currently keeping me sane.

“I’m on it,” Dad called as he walked out the door.

Mom gave my ankle another squeeze. “You sure you’re okay, baby girl?”

I nodded because I didn’t trust myself to answer without her catching the lie. “I’m tired. It’s a lot…you know…to process.”

“Yes, I do know.” The sympathy in her gaze told my soul that she did understand. Mom stood, kissed the top of my head, grabbed her iPad, then left the room, shutting the door behind her. I collapsed onto my bed and pulled the covers over my head. What a deep, dark hole I had dug myself, and there was no way out without disappointing and hurting my parents.

My phone pinged, probably Ariel from France wondering why I hadn’t texted her details of the party, and when I poked my head out and grabbed my phone, my heart lifted at the sight of Relic’s text from last night:I made it home safely.

I sat up again and smiled as I reread his words. I don’t know why, but something about Relic made me feel a lot less like…me.

I promised Relic I’d look into a job for him. Obviously, he needed a ride. When we dropped him off near where he lived, it was only a half mile from here… Maybe I could keep this charade going until I could drive again.

Even though it was early, I knew Jasmine, my manager from Bluegrass Mountain, would be awake. She’d been pleasantly prodding me and begging for me to return this summer, and I felt bad for putting her off.

I have a friend who needs a job. He’s a great guy, but he got into a bit of trouble. I will totally vouch for him, though. Can you give him a job, and can you give him the same shifts as me? He’ll be the one driving me to and from work.

Within seconds she replied:Girl, I’ll hire anyone you want as long as you come back this summer. And he can’t be that bad if you’re vouching for him. You don’t take anyone’s crap. Give me his info and we’ll get him set up.

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