Page 63 of Finding Delaware

My knee begins to bounce erratically, showcasing my nerves. I haven’t stepped foot inside this state in almost four years. Didn’t plan on ever coming back, either. I barely survived this place the last time I was here, so why would I? Things in Cali are good. Grandma and Grandpa Jones are amazing people. They offered to put me through college when I fucked up my scholarship, and I’ll forever be grateful to them for saving me when I felt like I couldn’t save myself. Berkeley’s fantastic, I love my roomie, and I made some friends. Get toswim in the ocean every day. It finally feels like I have the space to breathe.

And then I got the call a week ago that threw my life back into turmoil.

No one tells you that every day feels like a waste when you get a second chance at life. Not as ‘wasteful because I’m here,’ but more like ‘there are so many other things I can be doing right now, but instead, here I am doing Political-Science homework.’

There’s an entire world out there and so many things I’ve yet to see with my own eyes.

For example, my grandparents took me on a cruise to the Bahamas last year, and I’d never seen such clear blue water. We visited Harbour Island, where the sand was pink, and I swam with sea turtles.Actualsea turtles, like Crush from Finding Nemo. And don’t even get me started on the dolphins.

My team winning our championship was another big moment. No, I was never super passionate about football, but that feeling of accomplishing something I’ve spent years putting blood, sweat, and tears into? The most satisfying high on the planet.

The point is, I almost missed out on all that shit. And I never want to miss out on anything ever again. Which is why I’m freaking out right now.

A car horn draws my attention, and I spy a dark BMW pull up to the curb in the loading area. The passenger window glides down to reveal Logan’s frowning face.

“Sorry, Huck. There were like two accidents on i80.”

Heaving a sigh, I grab the handle of my luggage and push to my feet. Let’s get this shit over with. “I see Utah drivers still suck in the snow.”

The trunk pops open, and I heave my bag inside before slamming it shut.

“It’s all you Californians moving here without any idea how to drive in the winter.” He watches me open the passenger door to climb inside, coughing out a laugh. “Dang, dude, will you even fit in here? When did you get so much muscle?”

“Four years of college football will do that to you,” I grin, giving him the best side hug I can in the car. He looks the same, for the most part. His brown hair is shorter, but he’s still wearing a button-up polo and a pair of tan shorts like he’s always done, even in the winter.

Some things never change.

An awkward silence settles over us as he exits the airport and pulls onto the freeway. Though we’ve talked to each other through text, phone calls, and FaceTime, this is the first time I’ve actually seen him in person since I left. And I won’t lie; I’m a bit salty about it. I asked him numerous times during past summers to come see me, but he’s always had an excuse. Yeah, I wasn’t exactly traveling to visit him either, but I feel like I had a valid reason.

“Thanks for offering to pick me up.” I clear my throat, adjusting the radio until I find a tolerable station. “I know it’s out of the way for you.”

He shrugs a shoulder. “It’s no biggie. I’ve got some things I need to do in town, anyway.”

“Really? What could you possibly have to do in Gville that you can’t do in the city?”

“Just...things with my parents.” He shoots me a sideways glance, and we fall quiet again as Post Malone’s ‘Hollywood’s Bleeding’ plays on the radio.

Logan’s been hiding something from me for a while. I don’t know what it is, but I can feel it. Another thing I’m salty about. I know I have no right to be because I hid the fact that I was gay from him for years, but it sucks when someone who was like a brother to you turns into a stranger.

“So, how’s the boyfriend?” Logan asks, and I go rigid before forcing myself to relax. Even though he knows, it’ll always be weird having my sexuality out in the open with him.

“Eh. I broke up with him on the plane.”

His eyes widen in surprise. “What, why? Weren’t you guys together for, like, a while?”

If you consider eight months a while.

Running a hand through my curls, I lift a shoulder. “We just wanted different things in life, I guess.”

“Like what?”

Everything, honestly.

“I don’t know. Marriage. Kids. A dog.”

Logan’s brows raise. “Like adoption?”

“Obviously,” I laugh, and his neck reddens slightly in embarrassment.

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