Page 44 of Finding Delaware

I remember being confused and jumping into his car because my fucked up brain thought that maybe he’d come after me for it.

Pulling into Arbitrary Hills is a solid memory, but after that, it gets blurry. I’m pretty sure I went straight to the fridge when I got into the trailer and gunshot two beers, which pissed off my dad. And then it just...escalated from there. I blamed him for Maisie hating me and for fucking up my head; he blamed me for her leaving us. Shit hit the fan real quick. Then I left before he could kill me and just...drove. Drove until I couldn’t handle the pain anymore.

As they say, the rest is history.

“Have you spoken to anyone in your family recently?”

Maybe it’s best if you just stay gone.

“Nah.” I glance at the clock, realizing with relief that this hour of hell is almost up. “Don’t want to.”

Maisie and Aaron were at the hospital in the beginning, mainly to answer questions from the cops when they ran the plates and found out the car didn’t belong to me. As for Huck…

I haven’t seen or heard from him in three months, not even when I was lying in a hospital bed recovering from surgery. Christian, Salem, Matty, and Xed were the only people who came to see me. The only people that matter, really. For what it’s worth, Aaron did try to visit, but...I refused to see him. Couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eye.

Since my fuck up had to happen, unfortunately, after the age of eighteen, Maisie and my father have no legal responsibilityto get me out of trouble. This shit all falls on me, which is why I’m here—in court-ordered therapy, on probation, pissing in a cup three times a week. Oh, and four hundred hours of community service.

Ain’t life fun?

My only saving grace in all of this is the fact that Huckslee’s lie essentially saved me from prison time due to auto theft. And I hate the feeling that leaves me with.

“I hear you haven’t been back to school?” Doctor Hart continues to write in her little notebook, not looking at me. I shake my head.

“Decided to drop out. I enrolled to get my GED.”

Honestly, it’s fine. School was never my strong suit, anyway. I was barely passing enough to skirt by, mainly going just to escape. See my friends. Antagonize Huck.

I hate how much I miss him. Hearing his dumb music from the bathroom when he showers every night, his messy curls when he comes down the stairs first thing in the morning. Seeing him in the halls at school, watching him at football practice. Fighting with him. His voice. The kisses…

I hate it even more that I admit to missing him at all.

The urge to glare down at my dick is strong.So you could get hard at the thought of him touching you, but not when it actually came down to it?Make it make sense, motherfucker.

“So, what do you say, Doc?” I rise from the chair and stretch as the clock strikes the hour. “Do I pass your little test? Can I go now?”

She gives me that sweet smile that pisses me off, flipping her notebook closed before folding her hands on the desk. “You’re free to go. I’ll see you next week for session number two.”

What the fuck?

“I’ve done my three sessions,” I argue angrily, but she shakes her head.

“No, Taylor. We met two previous times, and you sat in silence until the time ran out. It doesn’t count unless we talk. See you next week.”

Fuck my fucking life.

Huckslee

April

Chilled wind penetrates the material of my Carhart, sending shivers through my body.

Though the sun is out and the snow has melted enough, winter still refuses to release its icy grip. Lifting my hands to blow warmth into them, I gaze out over the lake in front of me. The waters are calm and quiet today. So far, there’s no crowd here this early, making it perfect for fishing.

“Here, son.” Dad hands me a cup of hot chocolate he poured from the thermos before making two more for Logan and his dad, Joel. It’s our first fishing trip since the snow melted, and I can tell Dad and Joel are excited. They’ve been talking about this trip for weeks. Even Logan looks content as he sips his drink, keeping an eye on his fishing pole.

I wish I could enjoy it as they do. I wish I could enjoy anything at all.

“So let’s hear the good news,” Joel pipes up, his bearded face entering my peripheral as he leans forward in his camping chair to look at me with a grin. His eyes are wrinkled around the corners like he’s spent many years genuinely laughing and smiling. Must be nice.

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