Page 37 of Finding Delaware

“What’s wrong?” His eyes snap to mine as he goes still, brows creasing in concern.

I moisten my lips nervously, my brain a puzzled mess. “I just...don’t want to be touched...by you.”

Fucking hell.

That last part wasn’t on purpose.

Hurt flashes across his face, swiftly followed by anger, and he’s off the bed before I can even process what the fuck I just said.

“No, Huck, I didn’t mean—”

He retreats to the furthest side of the room near his closet, crossing his arms over his chest as if to protect himself from some metaphorical blow, and it feels like I’m inhaling glass.

“You don’t want me to touch you,” he repeats flatly, eyes growing colder than I’ve ever seen them.

Quickly rising from the bed, I face him with my palms up. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Explain it then, Taylor.”

My lips part and then close. Part again. Nothing comes out because I don’t even know what’s happening in this fucked up head of mine right now. Everything’s jumbled, thoughts and feelings as confusing as the next.

“Fucking say something,” Huck snarls, and my self-control snaps.

“I don’t fucking know,” I yell angrily, and he grimaces as it echoes throughout the quiet house. “Okay? I. Don’t. Know. I’m not... I’ve never done this type of shit before, Huckslee. I’m not like you!”

“Like what?” he spits frigidly. “Gay?”

“YES!”

God-fucking-dammit.

He scoffs, glaring at me incredulously. “What’s your thought process here, Taylor? Enlighten me. Touching a dude’s dick, jerking him off, isn’t gay, but havingyourdick touched by another dudeis?”

Is that it? Is that why I feel like I’m on the verge of a meltdown right now? It doesn’t feel right...but nothing else makes sense.

“And what about kissing a guy?” Huck continues, seething at me from the corner while I feel strapped to a runaway roller coaster, and it’s on fire. “Because your tongue was pretty far down my throat last night. Is that not gay?”

He’s making valid points. I know he is. So why does it feel like the air is being siphoned from my lungs by a vacuum? Why does my heart feel like it’s trying to climb into my throat?

Last night, when I touched Huck like that, I didn’t even think about it. It felt like it came naturally to hold and kiss him like we were just two ordinary people sharing a moment. So I know, Iknowit’s not the kissing part that’s freaking me out right now. It’s my fucking dick, apparently. Is he right? Does the thought of another guy touching it make me disgusted? The idea of him?

No.

So, what the fuck?

“Get out, Taylor,” he snarls, and I blurt out the only thing I can think of.

“I’ve got a girlfriend.”

He blinks, downright flabbergasted. “What?”

I swallow, glancing away. “I’m dating Salem. We broke up for a while, but we’re back together now, so...”

It’s a shitty excuse, but it’s the only one I’ve got right now—at least until I figure out my shit.

He stares at me silently for a few minutes, his eyes jumping back and forth between mine.

Eventually, he turns his back to me, facing his closet, hands running through his hair. “Just…go, Taylor.”

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