Page 197 of Finding Delaware

Reaching up to rub my aching chest, I clear the emotion clogging my throat. “Everything is about to change, though.”

“Yeah, but...we’ll be okay, right?”

My mouth falls open to respond, but it shuts when I can’t think of what to say. Because I want us to be okay, I really do, but what if we aren’t? What if the distance becomes too much,and we drift apart? There’s no use in bringing it up because we’ve already had this discussion numerous times over the last few days. Instead, I turn and pull him against my chest, kissing him gently.

“We need to leave soon.”

Those eyes I love so much darken, something akin to hurt flashing across his features before he nods and steps away. “Yeah. Let me get my bike in the shed, and then we’ll go.”

“Taylor, wait–”

He cuts me off with a shake of his head, wheeling his bike away. “It’s fine. We knew this had a time limit when we started it.”

Fuck, but I don’t want it to. I want to continue as we have been, but it’s impossible. And even though I know I should go after him, drag him back, and reassure him that everything will be alright, I can’t. Because how can I give him something that I can’t give myself? Giving him hope feels like a lie. Will I do everything possible to maintain this relationship from across the country? Of course, but...sometimes, love isn’t enough.

We all pile into Christian’s Bronco, none of us speaking, as he drives us to the Prospector for work. I can feel his judging eyes from the rearview mirror, but I keep my focus out the window, every desolate thought crushing me like an anvil. If it wasn’t for the medicine I’d taken earlier during the call with my agent, I’m pretty sure I’d be in full panic mode right now. Thanks to Taylor making life so much better, I haven’t needed to take it in a few months, but with my impending departure...I couldn’t help it.I caved.

When we pull up to work, Taylor gets out and enters the building without a word or glance back. Before I can follow, Christian grabs my arm.

“Hold up,hermano,” he leans against the door of the Bronco, pulling out a pack of smokes. “Let’s talk.”

Sighing heavily, I fold my arms, raising a brow at him to continue. He takes a moment, lighting his smoke and inhaling deeply before he speaks.

“What are your intentions with my boy?”

“Really?” A snort leaves my throat, nose scrunching. “You’re giving me the dad talk?Now?”

“Well, his own dad ain’t around to do it, so someone’s got to.”

“Christian, the apartment is small. You’ve walked in on us a time or two. I’m pretty sure you know my intentions.”

“I don’t mean with his body, Huckslee.” Smoke curls around us when he exhales, hazel eyes narrowing. “I’m talking about his heart.”

That hits me like a kick to the gut, and I flinch. “I’d never hurt him.”

Again.

“Maybe not intentionally.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Just a little observation from an outside perspective.” Finishing up, he leans down and puts the cigarette out on his tire before tucking it behind his ear. “Either you’re all in, or you’re not. You’ve had one foot out the door since the beginning, and even if Tay hasn’t noticed, I have. Don’t string him along only to break him later because then I’d have to break your face.”

I gape at him for a moment, unsure how to respond. My initial reaction is todeny, deny, deny, but deep down, I know he’s right. I began this whole thing unsure if it would even work, and somehow, along the way, I just decided it probably wouldn’t.

“It’s not fair to him,” Christian continues in my silence. “Like I said, all in or nothing. If you don’t think you’ll last, break it off before you go.”

I recoil from that, rearing back with my lips curled. “You want me to break up with him?”

“No,culo, I want you guys to live happily ever after, but I’d rather help him pick up the pieces sooner rather than later. You feel me?”

Goddammit. And suddenly, I feel like the worst boyfriend on the face of the planet.

“Yeah. I feel you.”

He slaps my shoulder before heading inside, leaving me to my thoughts, and all I can do is pace with my hands in my hair. I don’t want to break things off with Taylor.I don’t. I want to spend the rest of my life separating his laundry and bickering over me using his face moisturizer.

I want to wake up to the scent of his body wash and morning breath and fall asleep with his naked body on top of mine. How the fuck did we get here? Four short months ago, I never would have dreamed that the source of all my pain could bring me the most happiness I’ve ever known. And I don’t want to give it up. I can’t. I won’t.

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