Page 19 of Finding Delaware

“At first, I was angry. So fucking angry with her because how could she? Dad and I needed her, but she ignored her health like that? I thought it was selfish. Like she somehow let the cancer spread on purpose. For a long time, I felt like it was my fault. I must have done something, right? For her to have wanted to leave us like that?”

“You did nothing wrong, Huck,” Taylor murmurs, and I give a jerky nod.

“I know that now. But at the time, I couldn’t see it. I was... consumed by grief. And it was worse for my dad, but he had to put all his effort into keeping his teenage son from falling apart.” I laugh bitterly. “Church was always hard for me, but it was impossible after that. How could a God exist when diseases like cancer take away good people? People who are kind, faithful, loved by their communities, and all-around good.”

My voice cracks at the last word, and I swallow hard, falling silent to collect myself momentarily. Taylor says nothing,but I can feel his eyes on me. I don’t meet his gaze, unsure if I could handle what I’d find there.

Inhaling a shaky breath, I keep talking. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to make this about me. Now that I’ve had time to come to terms with my mom’s death and some therapy, I understand that she did the best she could. She was only human and thought she was doing what was best for Dad and me. I’m sure your mom felt the same way. Maybe leaving you with your dad wasn’t the right choice, but she thought it was better for you at the time. For whatever reason.”

Fuck, I didn’t mean to get all sentimental. But those words from my therapist helped me, and I hope they’ll help Taylor, too. Even after everything that’s happened between us, I can’t help wanting to take away his pain.

I toss the laser across the hall to him, and he picks it up, turning it over in his hands. When his eyes lift to mine, I feel like I’ve been hit in the chest at the anguish I see beneath their depths.

“Sometimes bad things happen, Huck.” He sighs deeply. “And God has nothing to do with it. Sometimes, shitty people are just shitty people.”

My phone dings loudly over the speaker, alerting me to a new text, and I flop onto my back with a growl of frustration. Sleep is a cold, hard bitch these days.

With one eye open, I unlock the screen to find a text from Royce. Sitting up straight, I’m suddenly wide awake, excitement quickening the blood in my veins.

Royce: Hey :)

Me: Hi (: What’s up?

I lick my lips, leaning against the headboard to make myself comfortable. Royce is a guy from another school nearby. We’d hit it off during a competitive swim meet at the start of the year. In more ways than one…

Royce: Oh, just bored. Thinking of you ;)

Me: Yeah? What about me?

Royce: Remember your birthday ;p

Me: Of course

How could I forget? We’d finally agreed to hang out near the reservoir the night I turned eighteen. Things had gotten heated, we’d kissed...and for the first time, I’d known what it felt like to have my dick in someone’s mouth. In aguy’smouth.

Royce: I want to do it again sometime…

Me: Mmm, me too. It felt so good.

Royce: I’m glad you liked it. I was nervous lol you’re huge

Well, if that isn’t an ego boost.

Me: Youdid amazing ;)

In all honesty, the blowjob felt mid. Not that I had anything to compare it to because, well, I don’t. But his tentative nature and teeth made getting off a little tricky.

I’m not going to say that, though.

I’m not a complete asshole.

Unlike someone…

His following text is a picture of himself from the chin down, torso on full display in a low pair of briefs, and my cock twitches in my boxers. He has a lean swimmer’s body, all toned muscles and dark brown skin. No hair, obviously, because of swimming. And though I’d prefer a little, the sight of his next picture, which outlines his hard dick in his underwear, has mine rising toward my belly button.

Royce: Send me something to keep me company. I’m lonely ;D

Pulling my cock out, I press the record button as I slowly stroke myself from base to tip. Some low-fi pop song filters through the speaker, and I meet the tempo with my hand, pleasurable waves clenching my muscles with each slow pass.

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