Page 167 of Finding Delaware

He shoves me again, and I take aim, spraying the front of his pants this time before he wrenches the damned thing from my hands.

“Okay, killer, put down the deadly weapon, and let’s go smoke.”

Letting him guide me toward the employee entrance, I spot Eliza bringing in another tub of dishes, her eyes narrowed in my direction. She’s a sweet girl, and we get along great, but I scissor my fingers at her and mouthsnip snipas I follow Christian outside. He pops a cigarette into my mouth and lights it for me, then one for himself, as we both lean back against the building.

I didn’t need a single smoke while I was with Huck. Now, I’m almost up to an entire pack a day. I hate this. My lungs hate this. So does my wallet.

“You know,” Christian starts slowly as he exhales, “it’s only been one week, man.”

My head thumps back against the wall, eyes on the dark sky. “I know.”

“He’ll be gone much longer when he leaves in August.”

No shit, asshole. “I know.”

We smoke in silence for a while, low bass of the music inside mixing with the traffic on the street. I’ve almost finished the entire cig when he finally speaks again.

“If you miss him so much, why don’t you visit?”

“You don’t think I want to? Almost didn’t stop on the way here tonight. Just wanted to keep driving until I got to Cali.”

“So why didn’t you?”

I start to respond but stop, realizing he has a point. Why am I still here when my boyfriend is eight hundred miles away? He didn’t explicitly invite me, but maybe he wasn’t sure if I’d want to come. Chewing my bottom lip, I consider his words. “I can’t exactly afford a plane ticket on such short notice, and the drive is like fifteen hours.”

“So?” Christian shrugs, putting his cigarette out on the ground before tucking the butt behind his ear. “We’ve gone on longer trips. Remember when we drove to Portland for doughnuts?”

“Those were Voodoo Doughnuts, and they were totally worth it,” I argue, tossing the rest of my snuffed-out smoke into the dumpster. “Plus, I had you and Salem with me. I’d have to make this drive alone.”

“You can do it,cariño, I have faith.”

Well, yeah, I probably could, but…

I hate being alone. And I’ve never gone anywhere outside of Utah by myself before. Not to mention…

“I don’t even know where he’s staying.”

Christian’s brows jump at that. “He didn’t tell you?”

“He told me that he had an apartment off campus with a roommate, but I don’t actually know the address, you know?”

“And you can’t ask him for it because...?”

I shift my head from side to side, debating whether to voice my concerns. “What if he doesn’t even want to see me? Like, what if he’s happy with the space?”

“Taylor. My man.” He grasps my shoulders, shaking his head with a grin. “You FaceTime every night, and when he stayed with us, you were practically joined at the hip. Orshould I say ass? By the sounds constantly coming from your room, I’m pretty sure he lived inside your butthole.”

“Shut the fuck up, dude.” I slap his hands away from me, face heating and his laugh echoes around us.

“My point, nympho, is that Huckslee can’t get enough of you. I’m sure he’d be thrilled if you showed up.”

Yeah, maybe. But there’s still that nagging voice of doubt in my head, telling me he’s glad for the time apart. He probably has friends out there he’s been missing, and he needs to say goodbye to his grandparents before leaving for training camp. What if I show up and mess up all his plans?

And then there’s an even darker thought: what if he’s using this separation as a test to see how we deal without each other? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? Is this as hard for him as it is for me? Hell, we’ve only been together a short time, but I’m already fucking gone for this man. The moment he kissed me again, I was done for. Can’t be without him, don’t even want to try. But what if—

Christian snaps his fingers in my face, cutting off my thoughts. “Taylor, just go. It’ll be fine. I’ll smooth things over with Juanita, and you can get some dick so that you stop being an asshat.”

God, some dick sounds so good right about now. But not just any dick. Huckslee’s dick.

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