Page 111 of Finding Delaware

“I still don’t remember much about what happened. Some things are blank, either from the drinking or the head injury.” I frown, trying to sort through the fog in my brain as his fingers slip between the holes of my tank top, tracing my skin. “I can recall the fight with Maisie and your dad, getting kicked out. I...I stole your car because I knew it would piss you off, and you’d have to talk to me. You were kind of giving me the cold shoulder, remember?”

“Seems to be my thing,” he mumbles into my hair, and shit, if that ain’t the truth.

“I thought you were done with me. It drove me crazy. At the risk of sounding like a total creep, you’ve been my obsession since that first kiss under the bleachers, Huck. I just... couldn’t have you. Couldn’t even have a friendship with you because I knew I couldn’t keep it that way for long, and my dad would suspect something. He noticed, man, how infatuated I was with you. But I couldn’t ignore you, either. So in my fucked up brain, becoming your enemy seemed like the next best idea.”

“You were such a little asshole, dude.”

Groaning, I cover my face with my hands. “I know. There’s really no excuse for any of it. All I can say is I joined every sport you did because I wanted to be close to you.”

He pauses, and I’m glad I’m not looking at him because I can only imagine what’s on his face right now. “That’s...actually really sweet, in a fucked kind of way.”

“Yeah...”

“But you quit the swim team?”

“Uh,” I clear my throat. “I couldn’t always hide the marks. Kind of hard to do that, being shirtless all the time.”

“Oh.” Another pause. “Right.”

“Anyway, I got off track.” The soft touch of his fingertips on my ribs causes me to shiver, sending sparks down my groin.Focus. “Things had started to shift between us, and I wanted you so fucking bad. But years of mental abuse are hard to overcome, you know? We already talked about this at the...the cabin.” I falter at the memory but rush forward quickly. “You weren’t talking to me, so I took your car and left. Went to my dad’s. I was so angry at him for fucking up my head, I started a fight, and it did not end well.”

“What did he do?”

So, I tell him. As much as I can remember, anyway. His eyes watch as I touch my scar, still feeling the phantom pains of skin splitting when my face hit the bathroom sink. Lifting my shirt, I show him the mark from where they fixed the ruptured spleen. And then I tell him about the car. How I sent it careening down an incline to cover for my piece of shit father, who should be in jail right now instead of six feet under. He doesn’t speak or even breathe; he just lets my words simmer between us.

“Honestly, I think it happened in the hospital,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his throat, feeling raw from so much speaking and soul searching, “when you never visited. I had nothing but time on my hands while I recovered, and every thought was on my stepbrother, who thought I hated him, but the truth is that I’ve never hated you, Huck. I wanted you from the moment I saw you that first day in eighth grade. And it wastorture, each day that passed with you not walking through the hospital room door, and I just...knew. That I loved you. But then four months passed with no contact, you started dating Royce, and it felt like my heart had ripped in two.”

The featherlight circles on my skin pause as he speaks; his voice is so low I have to strain to hear. “We were...we barely even…”

“I know, we’d hardly touched at that point. Had only kissed like three times, but it was enough for me. It’s fucking stupid and embarrassing, but that was all it took.” A bitter laugh leaves my throat. “It doesn’t take much for me, apparently. The slightest crumb of affection, and I’m a goner.”

He swallows audibly. “Taylor…”

“According to Doctor Hart, it makes sense because I wasn’t given a lot of it as a kid, blah blah blah, you know? She’s my therapist, by the way. Nice lady. Anyway, it’s not like I’m out here falling in love left and right with every person I meet. I’ve dated plenty of women over the last four years that I didn’t love. And, of course, I love Salem in a platonic way, but...it’s only you, Huckslee. It’s only ever been you.”

“Taylor.” His hand cups my jaw as he pulls back, head lowering, eyes trained on my mouth.

Like he’s going to kiss me.

And fuck, as much as my entire being craves to taste his tongue again, I throw a hand up between us at the last minute. Firstly, because I’m not done. And secondly, because the last time I tried to kiss him, I ended up on my knees, so it’s really not fair.

“I have totalk about prom.”

Huck goes still, his gaze burning like fire, but he slowly lowers himself back down. “Alright.”

I can feel his body vibrating through mine.

Blowing out a breath, I bury my face into his neck once again. “Not gonna lie, losing that race for the scholarship sucked pretty bad. And after the shit that happened with my dad, and you ignoring me, plus being on probation and not allowed to drink or smoke, I was kind of in a dark place. Which sounds so fucking selfish compared to where your head was at, Huck.” He tries to interrupt again, but I shake my head. “It is, though. You were struggling, and you didn’t even have a support system like I did. Luckily, I had Christian, Matty, Xed, and Salem to fall back on.”

“I had Logan.”

Lifting my head, I throw him a pointed glance. “No one knew what was going on with you, Huckslee. But I did. I knew you were pretending to be something you weren’t. I called you a fuckingfake, man.”

“Yeah, we aren’t doing that.” His hand gently cups my throat. “We aren’t playing the blame game. Do you know how many times I’ve had to hear this from Logan and our parents? My grandparents? Taylor, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.No oneis to blame here.”

“But what I did to you is,” I say softly, meeting his gaze. “My actions drove you over that ledge.”

He growls softly, flopping onto his back to squint at the ceiling, fists clenching. I give him a moment to gather his thoughts while I watch Baby Bones try to dig into the blankets piled at our feet.

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