Page 171 of Finding Delaware

I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him.

Before I can even process what I’m doing, the lid is off the bottle, cold glass pressing to my lips. Spiced liquid slides down my throat as I sip something that I haven’t tasted since the night I went to jail for beating up Huckslee’s dad.

And I sip again.

And again.

Until I’m

Fucking

Gone.

Huckslee

Goddamn, Greg talks forever.

My foot is tapping while I listen to him drone on, my phone burning a hole in my pocket. It’s getting late; Taylor is expecting my call soon. Between packing up the rest of my shit from the apartment and preparing for the graduation ceremony at the end of the week, I’ve had no time to talk to him all day. I’m fucking dying to hear his voice, see his face. But of course, the minute I pulled out my phone to text him, I’d seen the message from my ex asking if we could meet to ‘properly’ break up face to face. And I’d felt like such an asshole for ending our relationship through text that I agreed, but only because I thought I’d be here twenty minutes max.

Greg’s been talking for forty-five minutes about the new guy he’s dating, and I don’t know if he’s trying to make me jealous, but I brought up Taylor and how great we are together just to shut him up. It worked for all of two seconds untilhe asked if he could give me a goodbye kiss. I don’t know why I was expecting a peck on the cheek, but I nearly gagged when his lips touched mine. The minute he pulled away, he mentioned how much happier and healthier I looked, and I couldn’t help but smile, knowing that Taylor was the reason.

I harbored a lot of anger and guilt when I lived out here and held on to too much hate. It’s crazy how much five months can change a person.

My ex continues talking for another ten minutes before my phone buzzes for the umpteenth time, so I decide against being polite and pull it out. First, I check the Delaware chat, where Taylor’s been sending me weird pictures and random street signs all day that make no fucking sense. Still, I grin because he’s an oddball, but I like it. Actually kind of love it.

After sending him every color of heart emoji, I pull up a missed text from my old roomie and frown.

Shawn: Hey man, some guy came to the apartment looking for you. Told him you were at Greg’s, but he looked super strung out.

Just letting you know.

Well, that’s...strange. Everyone I know from school is at this party except for Shawn. But I shrug, figuring maybe it was some college football fan who found out where I lived and wanted to talk. Believe it or not, that used to happen a lot over the last four years.

Swiping away the message, I pull up the ones from Logan and notice I also have a few missed calls from him. The moment I read his texts, I go rigid against the railing.

Logan: Did Taylor find you??

Answer, please. I’m really worried about him.

Pick up the phone. Taylor isn’t answering either and he sounded agitated when he called me because he couldn’t find you.

He’s out there in Berkeley. I sent him your location.

Wait,wait, hold up.

Taylor ishere?

My head snaps up, heart in my throat as I look around the balcony expecting him to materialize right in front of me where he belongs. Worry begins to gnaw at my gut when I don’t see him.

“I have to go find my boyfriend. Apparently, he’s here.” Cutting Greg off in the middle of whatever he was saying and not caring in the least, I make my way back inside. Logan’s messages have me alarmed, and I press my phone to my ear to call Taylor, cursing loudly when it goes straight to voice mail. So I send him a text.

Me: Baby, where are you? Logan said you’re here.

Why didn’t you tell me?

Looking over his earlier messages, all of the random photos now make sense. He was sharing his trip with me.

Panicking, I search the house from top to bottom, finding the few friends I know scattered throughout to show them his picture and ask if they’ve seen him. They all say no. I evencheck the rooms where super nefarious shit is going down, but I don’t find him in any of those, either. I’m nearly pulling my hair out on my third sweep of the house when Greg finds me again.

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