Page 163 of Finding Delaware

Images from the pool in high school flood my brain, the way he held me under, stealing me of oxygen before breathing it back into me with his kisses. How, at first, I fought before letting go in more ways than one. That night symbolized so many things for me. It was the pivotal moment I’d decided to stop holding back, to acknowledge my feelings for him and give up control. The first time in years that I actually felt free. But then the morning after...waking up to Taylor in mybed…

I have so many regrets. There were about a hundred different ways I could have handled that situation. Part of me wonders if I’d given him the grace he deserved to figure things out in his head, maybe he wouldn’t have stolen my car, and maybe his dad wouldn’t have put him in the hospital. Hindsight’s a bitch.

For the last four years, I’ve done my damndest not to think about the pool, him, or anything that transpired between us because of how my lungs would seize and my chest would burn. It used to fill me with anger and hate. Now? All I feel is a deep sadness and shame, wishing I could turn back time. Wishing I could have loved him sooner. Because it feels like all I’ll get is months when I could have had years.

Tick, tick, tick.

“Huck?”

My attention snaps to where he’s watching me with uncertainty, eyes half hidden under his lashes as if he senses the sudden shift in my mood. And I want to take it away, all of it. Every negative emotion that ever came between us, every bruise and every scar. All of his guilt, all of mine. If I could, I’d crawl inside his brain and change the story, perhaps make it one where our friendship morphed naturally into love over time instead of the twisted monster it became.

Water laps against my chest as he paddles over, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Don’t let them win.”

“Hm?” My brows furrow tightly as he presses a wet thumb between them.

“The bad thoughts. Don’t let them win. I’m here now.We’rehere. How we got to this point doesn’t matter. Delaware, remember?”

Taking my hand, he lays my palm on the tattoo over his heart before pressing his lips to mine. And just like that, everything...calms. The gentle yet firm way he’s holding me is enough to still the chaos, anchoring me to this moment. I let his soft kisses ground me, losing myself in his fingers, tracing my spine. Xed’s holler is what eventually has us pulling apart.

“Ready?” Taylor gives me a reassuring smile, and I nod reluctantly.

“Yeah.”No.I don’t want this to end. “Let’s go.”Let’s stay and never leave this cave. Alcove. Whatever.

Something settles over me that I can’t quite place as we swim beneath the waterfall and tread toward shore, a melancholic weight pressing on my chest. It isn’t until I’m pulling myself up onto the bank that I remember Taylor is naked. And there’s a butt plug tucked into the hem of my underwear.

Logan’s eyes narrow as I pull on my clothes, but I avoid his glare. A storm of emotions flashes across his face—disbelief, then incredulity—and I silently curse myself. Disappearing with a naked Taylor for over half an hour wasn’t exactly subtle. Even Matt’s eyes dart between us, his lips pursed, the silence hanging thick and heavy.

Once Taylor is fully clothed, he clears his throat, running a hand through his hair. “I’m kinda beat. Think I’m gonna head back to camp and take a nap.”

Salem snickers with Arya, and Christian slaps a hand across his back.

“I bet, bud. You just got a good workout in.”

Fucking hell.

“Seriously, big mouth?” Xed shoves him in the shoulder while Matt’s eyes widen to saucers, and Logan turns away before I can judge what else he’s thinking.

Taylor stays uncharacteristically silent, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. He glances at me briefly, grabbing his pack from Xed before taking off downhill the way we came. The sight of him walking away raises my hackles worse than Logan knowing about us, and I find myself heading after him without so much as a goodbye to the group.

“Taylor, wait. I’m coming with you.”

He stops in his tracks, throwing me a guarded look over his shoulder. “What about Logan?”

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t ditch your best friend for me, Huckslee.”

Rearing back, my mouth opens to refute that ridiculous statement when Salem scoffs loudly behind me.

“He’s a big boy, he’ll be fine.” She tugs Logan into her side, throwing an arm around him. “Won’t you?”

He blinks down at her for several seconds. “Y-yeah. Sure.”

“See? You two run along. I expect dinner to be ready for us by the time we return.”

Taylor rolls his eyes before continuing downhill. “Yes, Mommy.”

Salem turns Logan around as she mouths something likeyou owe meand I flash her a thankful smile before taking off after Taylor.

---