Page 81 of Born to Make You Smile

That Thursday, Dorina wanted to visit X-PLORE and finally see what all the fuss was about, so I dropped by her condo on my way there.

“Whoa. Grace.” Dorina’s jaw fell as she took me in once I removed my winter coat. I was wearing a sexy elf costume. Red-and-white-striped pantyhose, a green body suit with a black belt, and a red-and-green elf hat with a bell on top of my orange wig.

“Your tits need their own area code.” She sighed, looking down at her very short, tight black dress. “I feel underdressed now.”

“I’m technically in uniform. You look phenomenal. Classy and sexy. The perfect combo.”

“I’m so nervous,” she said, rubbing her hands together. “Why am I nervous?”

I recalled how I felt when I went for my interview. “It’s a new experience. But there’s nothing to be nervous about. It’s fun. Interesting. A little kinky. If I can handle it, you can.”

“Am I going to have to, you know, do anything?”

I shook my head. “As a guest, you wear a wristband that indicates your desire. I wear a black one since I’m staff. You can wear white, which means just here to watch and explore. Unless you want something more…Youaresingle.”

She shoved me playfully. “Absolutely not. I do have a wild side, but I don’t think I’ll find anyone there. You know I’m more of a relationship kinda gal. I can’t believe you still work there. Plus, full time at the office. It’s a lot. Have you told Gavin yet?”

“No.” I ran my teeth over my bottom lip. The thought of him finding out made my insides squeeze. “My contract is up in like a month, then I’m just going to put it behind me. Sure, I might tell him one day down the road, but he doesn’t need to know right now. Besides, things are already really weird between us.”

My stomach tightened as I took a sip of ice-cold water, the fluid chilling my inner turmoil on the way down. I told her all about the Pete situation at St. Lawrence Market. Then the fact that Gavin didn’t invite me to spend Christmas with his family. “Not that I’d miss your parents’ place, but I was going to head to his brother’s after lunch.”

“And miss a drunk Tía Camila dancing and singing her off-key carols at midnight?” She laughed.

“No, I definitely wouldn’t want to miss that,” I said, only half sarcastically. I loved everything about the chaotic Christmas with her family. “I think I’m more upset about how adamant he was to continue to keep us a secret. But of course, I can’t blame him. It’s not his fault. It’s us. We’re the problem. I love being with him, and we get along so well. The girls are everything to me. And I love being a part of their lives in this way. But I hate the shame that comes along with our relationship. The feeling like we’ll never fit in with other couples no matter what we do.”

She took a sip of her vodka cranberry. “Nothing’s perfect. You could find your dream guy on paper. Everyone would love him. Society would accept you. But he’d treat you like crap, and you’d hate being with him.”

“Like Ethan,” I pointed out.

She groaned. “Exactly. He seemed perfect. Boy, was that one misjudged setup. Men suck.” Then she corrected, “Mostmen suck. But my advice would be to take your relationship day by day. Maybe he’s waiting until things get more serious between you two before coming out.”

Her words caused me to pause and think. “Maybe he doesn’t even want serious. Maybe he’s done with the whole commitment thing. I’m pretty sure his last relationship ended for that reason. He was still holding on to hesitations because of his late wife. Oh God, what if he never wants to be more, and he strings me along for years and…”

“Pollita,” she said gently, placing a hand on my back. “You’re spiraling. Calm down. Everything will be okay. You two will figure it out.”

***

X-PLORE was uncharacteristically busy for a Thursday in December.

Dorina had filled out paperwork online, so all we had to do was get her signed in before heading on our way. We entered the main area, and I spotted Joshua and Felix sitting at the bar. I’d hung out with Felix several times. While my initial introduction to him was rather intimidating, he was very kind and soft-spoken. Sometimes I forgot that one’s role as a sub or Dom could be completely different from their everyday persona. It was like playing a part, becoming a character, or a temporary escape from reality—even a way to bring joy and deal with grief. Felix had lost his parents in a tragic accident as a teen. He’d told me that BDSM helped him cope with the loss in a healthy way. He said Joshua was hisemotional support pup,bringing a special light to his life. That thought was very heartwarming.

Joshua was all smiles, donning a plaid sweater and a Santa hat with pup ears. I introduced Dorina to the two men. She took a seat next to them while I went behind the bar to organize and prepare orders.

“Whoa.” Dorina’s wide eyes traveled over the mingling area. “Everyone’s so festive. It’s like a costume party. This is pretty cool. I thought it would be more wild.”

“The night is still young,” Joshua stated. “And things are pretty tame in the main areas.”

“If you want to see some action, you can watch people get frisky in the viewbox upstairs,” said Felix.

“Can you like, watch them?” Dorina asked. “They don’t care?”

Joshua laughed. “They want you to watch. They get off on it.”

“Oh.” Dorina nodded. She bit her bottom lip, looking intrigued.

“Is that something you’re into?” Joshua asked.

“I don’t know,” she said, tilting her head. “Maybe. I think I might want to check it out.”

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