Page 31 of Born to Make You Smile

“Yeah, I…” He looked away, then back at me, undoubtedly bothered about something. “Michelle was unwell.”

“Oh no. Is she okay?”

“Yes.” He rubbed his neck. “Grace, can I ask you something?”

I nodded, focusing on his concerned face. “Of course.”

“Do you think I'm too reserved? That I'm still too hung up on Judy?”

“No,” I answered without a thought. “What makes you say that?”

“Michelle seems to think I’m deliberately running from commitment. Using Judy as an excuse to put my walls up and not let her in.”

“She said that?” I was kind of surprised that Michelle would say such a thing. However, I couldn’t imagine how difficult and complicated it would be to date a widower, especially being in Judy’s shadow. It would be a tough spot to even attempt to fill.

“Well, she was very tactful with her words, but essentially, yes.” He ran a hand over his face. “To be fair, she might be right. I’m not sure why. I should be ready to open up more, but maybe I keep running away from the possibility of finding love again. Michelle’s wonderful. The kids get along. My family adores her. And believe me, they are a tough crowd to please. But I don’t know. I still feel out of sorts. I think it's hard for me—the guilt over letting myself feel those feelings after Judy. I’m not sure what’s stopping me. It's been seven years, and I know I should move on…”

As Gavin spoke of grief and moving on, I thought about my mother. The pain over losing the most important person in my life. Gone in what felt like an instant. A brain aneurysm. She seemed perfectly fine that morning. But hours later, I received a phone call alerting me she was at the hospital. When I got there, it was too late. I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. Apparently, she’d been suffering from headaches and distortedvision for weeks. She never mentioned it to me. I wished I would have known. I would have told her to get checked out. Maybe it could have saved her life.

“Gavin, I've obviously never been in your exact situation, but I know the grief from losing someone you love never really goes away. The pain might go into hiding, but sometimes it comes out in other ways throughout your life. Seven years or one hundred years—no amount of time can heal wounds clean.”

I nodded, blinking tears away.

“You’re right,” Gavin agreed, rubbing a finger along his lips. “Maybe I'm still not ready...I know I don’t want to be alone, but I just don't know what to do.”

Gavin’s face fell. He looked lost and helpless, and my heart ached for him.

“Losing one love doesn’t mean you can’t love again. It’s just different. Changed. Maybe to feel more at peace, it could help to find a way to bring your past life and new life together. Talk about Judy with Michelle, show her photos, remember her. No matter where life takes you, Judy will always be a part of you and your children. Michelle has to understand that.”

“That’s so insightful. It puts a lot of things into perspective.” He nodded, pressing his lips together, his eyes searching my face. “Everything, in fact.”

“You know,” I said. “This might sound crazy, but sometimes I think about Judy and my mom together in heaven. Having coffee and peach cake. Sharing a laugh. As much as I miss them here on earth, I’m glad they have each other, wherever they are. Best friends reunited.”

“Yes. That’s…” He paused for a beat, blinking. “That’s actually a pleasant and comforting thought.”

Gavin scratched his temple, looking around at the catastrophe in the kitchen. “What happened in here anyhow? Did you cook for a rugby team?”

I smiled to hide my embarrassment, moving some cups on the counter into the sink. “The girls helped, and you know how it is. Every pot and pan and kitchen surface had to be used.”

With a long nod, he said, “I’ll take care of the rest.” He drummed his fingers on the counter, then pushed himself off. “Come on. Let me escort you home.”

We walked to my front door. The dim amber porch light accentuated the sharp lines of his face. My gaze traveled over the muscles in his arms and chest, emphasized by his tight white T-shirt. I swallowed, trying to ignore the flutter in my stomach. He gazed at me with an appreciative grin, then reached into his pocket and handed me my payment, folded in half. It was thick—definitely too many bills.

“Good night, Grace. I really appreciate your kind and insightful words tonight. It truly helped. And I’m so very thankful to have you in my life. For everything you do. Not only for me but for my daughters as well.”

My heart warmed, pleased that I was able to help. “Of course. Anytime.”

I suddenly realized we stood a hair too close together, that kind of space bordering on personal. He stared at me with a deep warmth in his eyes. He blinked, and I’d never noticed how long and gorgeous his eyelashes were before. He licked his lips, and suddenly, I had a strong craving to move closer to him, to lean forward slightly and put my mouth on his. I wanted to taste him. His skin, his lips, his whole body. I’d never felt such an intense urge to devour a man in my life. I wasn’t sure what was coming over me.

My skin seared with flames as I turned to open my door, fumbling my keys like I had no control over my hand.

When I entered my house, I pressed my back against the door and released a slow breath.

God.Why was this happening to me? How could I make it stop? How could I learn to ignore these dangerous blooming feelings buried within me?

***

That night, I couldn’t sleep. As I lay in bed, listening to the pattering of heavy rain on my windows and roof, thoughts of Gavin invaded my brain.

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