Page 49 of Fractured Fear

“Pizza shame?” he asks amused.

Rio gives Zane a signal I don’t understand and says, “Yeah, pizza shame.”

Zane looks to me, and I chime in quickly. “No, really. It’s okay. Get what you want.” My attempt to placate them doesn’t seem to have the intended effect. I don’t want to cause extra fuss.

Zane and Rio give each other a look and round the couch together, bracketing me on either side as they sit with me.

“Angel, you can get what you want,” Zane says as he grabs my hand.

“Tell us what you want, Mama.” Rio’s innuendo causes a chill to rattle my spine.

I refuse to look at them and answer, “Vegetables.”

Rio shoulders me playfully and states, “Okay I’ll order one rabbit food pizza and?—”

“Let me guess, meat lovers,” I interrupt. Sassy Spencer has been unleashed.

“Hey! Don’t hate. We like meat. All kinds,” Zane says in a smug tone and winks.

“I’m not hating. Just pizza shaming the pizza shamer.”

Zane and Rio break out in laughter together, a beautiful sound.

As much as I’ve liked an empty apartment, having them here is nice. Comforting. It feels like a home.

Still laughing, Zane pulls his phone out of his back pocket and places our order, including my rabbit food pizza.

Damn these perfect men.

As we sitside by side at my breakfast bar, Zane polishes off his pizza and I stare with my mouth open as I watch him chew. Zane poured my can of Coke he had ordered into a glass and added ice while he and Rio just drank out of the cans. Rio finished his a few minutes before, and I know that because when he was done, he shouted, “I win!”

Where does all that food go? Are they still “growing boys?”

Ha! Yeah, there’s nothing “boy” about them. They’re definitely all man.

We had a nice, light conversation while eating. I avoided all topics that could circle to discussing my attack.

As we talked, I felt myself gravitating towards them. Literally. My knees rested against Zane’s as we angled towards each other, and Rio inched closer and closer behind me. With each word out of their mouths, no matter how mundane, my muscles relaxed one by one. I couldn’t look away from Zane’s lips as they formed each word. The lilt of Rio’s voice soothed the stirring in my chest. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have each of their mouths on me.

I would never be able to choose between the two. One day I’m sure they’d make me. They already mean so much to me, and their presence makes me feel less alone.

Oh my God. I need space from these men. I can’t keep going down this trail. I internally shake my head at the constant back and forth.

I face forward so I don’t have to see the expression on their faces when I say what I’m about to. “Zane. Rio. I really appreciate you bringing me home and buying me dinner?—”

“But?” Zane interjects.

“But, I’m not okay with either of you staying the night. I need to be alone, I need time.” I hold my breath waiting for their response.

Not so subtly, I sneak a glance at Zane. Zane looks me up and down, assessing me. He’s cataloging everything. Every bruise, every scratch. No one has ever cared to look so close like that. Only Abuela, but never a man like Zane.

On my right Rio sits back quietly, remaining closer than what is considered acceptable for friends.

“Look. I promise if anything happens, I’ll call 911, okay?”

“No, Angel. You need someone, you call me or Rio. We’ll leave Asher’s number too,” he stands and crowds my space from the side, forcing me to lean backwards into Rio’s warm, solid chest. “Promise me.”

My focus wanders from his sinewy sculpted arms to his face, then I look up at him from under my lashes.

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