Well, shit. Now I feel like an ass.
“It’s not that,” I say. “Of course, I trust you. All of you. I just didn’t want you to have to keep secrets from them. And I wasn’t ready to tell them. Especially Ronan.” I meet each woman’s gaze before turning back to Quinn. “I’m sorry. Really.”
Quinn lets out a sigh. “Good. You should be,” she says. “Now, tell us everything and we might forgive you.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine,” I say. “But don’t say anything to my brothers.” I point at each of them. “None of you. I’ll talk to them tonight. I promise.”
They all nod their agreement. I take another sip of water and start talking.
“Garrett was in the Marines with Ronan,” I say, looking at Quinn. “They were in the same unit. When Ronan got hurt, Garrett was injured too. Not nearly as serious, but still.”
I can see that Quinn understands the implications. Her eyes soften and she looks lost in thought. I’m not sure how much Ronan has told her about that time in his life, but I know it was a dark period for him. I know it still gets to him now, years later.
I clear my throat. “So, when I went to Germany, Garrett was there too. At the hospital. For a little while, anyway. That’s when I met him. He was just this nice guy. Friends with my brother. Friends with the two guys who…” I trail off, not wanting to say it aloud. I clear my throat before continuing.
“We bonded over our worry about Ronan. We hung out in the waiting room. We ate cafeteria food. I told him about Ronan as a kid. He told me stories about boot camp. We became friends. When I found out Ronan was going to keep his leg, Garrett was right there with me. He’s the one I hugged. The one who let me cry on his shoulder.”
I feel my throat grow tight when I remember those days and I blink back tears. I take a deep breath and blow it out.
“But I was just a kid. His best friend’s sister. I was off-limits.” I roll my eyes. “And honestly, the thought never even occurred to me. He was just a nice guy. We were friends. So, when Ronan and I left Germany to come home and Garrett was sent back to combat, we kept in touch.” I shrug. “He would tell me about his days in the desert and I’d tell him about art school and Ronan’s rehab and the Jester. It was always innocent. For years. Until it wasn’t.”
I look around at the other women, surprised they’ve managed to keep silent through my entire story. Quinn’s eyes are suspiciously bright, and I know she’s thinking of Ronan and all he went through. I know my brother is mostly fine these days, but it’s hard to think back on those days without feeling sad. Hannah, on the other hand, seems to be completely entranced by my story. She’s watching me as though waiting for more. Hope is wearing the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on her face.
“Aww,” she gushes loudly. “It’s fate!”
I roll my eyes, but I can feel my face heating. “Shut up,” I mutter, taking another drink of water to stall.
“When did it become more than friends?” Quinn asks. “Did he text you a dick pic? Because that’s not romantic.” She pauses for a moment, considering. “Unless you asked for one.” Gone is the sad look from before. She leans forward, eyes lit up. She’s wearing a mischievous smile. “Did you ask him for a dick pic?”
I swipe a hand at her. She dodges it easily, laughing. My face is now truly bright red. I glance around to make sure no one else is in earshot. All I need is the after-church crowd thinking I’m soliciting dick pics from strangers. In a town this small, that gossip would feed the mill for months.
“No,” I say with more force than I’d planned. I lean forward and say in a fierce whisper, “I did not ask for any naughty pictures. What kind of girl do you think I am?”
Hannah shrugs. “I don’t see why that makes someone naughty. It’s the 21stcentury.”
Three matching expressions of surprise shoot her way. If I didn’t think she was referring to my oldest brother, I might have asked for details. But I know better. That’s not an image I’ll be able to get out of my head. Best to avoid that story altogether.
“What?” Hannah asks. “The technology is there. Why not use it?”
I open my mouth to say something but think better of it. “Nevermind,” I say. “I don’t want to know.”
Hannah just smiles a secretive smile. “Suit yourself. Tell us the rest.”
I think back to Garrett’s latest deployment. He’d spent more than 3 years stateside, stationed at a base on the west coast. We’d spent those years talking sporadically, emailing and writing letters. I’d send him occasional care packages full of things he couldn’t get in California. I even saw him once when he flew out to visit his family and spent a day with Ronan.
By then, I’d developed a full-on crush, but figured he could never feel the same way. I’d assumed he could never think of me as anything more than his best friend’s little sister. A kid. So, I’d kept my feelings to myself. I tell the others all this and they listen with rapt attention, pausing only when the server brings us our food.
“When he called to tell me he was going on another deployment, I felt like I couldn’t breathe,” I say. It feels strange to admit this now, even to my best friends. I’ve kept this to myself for so long. “I was terrified. I kept remembering Ronan’s injury and everything that followed. And the 2 guys who didn’t make it through that day.”
I pause to take a deep breath, then look up to meet the gazes of the other women. They’re all wearing matching looks of sympathy and understanding. I realize now how much I missed by not being able to talk to someone about what I’d been feeling at the time. It feels good to have someone to share the burden with.
“So, you told him?” Hope asked. “How you felt, I mean?”
I shake my head and smile. “No. That’s when I launched my plan.”
“What plan?” Hannah asks.
“The plan to make Garrett realize he has the hots for me and can’t live without me,” I say. “Obviously.” I lean back in the booth and look at the other three women. “Honestly, it would have been so much easier with you guys on my side back then. I was so clueless. I could have used your advice.”