Page 4 of Forever My Soldier

I lost the baby.

* * *

I grabbed my clothes off the hospital bed and was about to get changed when I couldn’t help it, I looked down at my belly and held a hand to it in the hospital gown. Tears filled my eyes until finally I couldn’t hold back any longer and began crying.

I knew I didn’t know about the baby for long, but it had already changed my life. I already loved it with all my heart. We were going to be a family. I was going to be a mother, a title I never thought would apply to me. Sure, things were complicated, but the best things in life were, weren’t they?

I wasn’t sure if our one night of burning passion was a good idea, but Deacon and I always fell into a familiar rhythm when we were with each other. He made me feel so good and happy. I felt at peace when I was with him, but also like my whole body was on fire. I’d never experienced passion like that with anyone before.

But that night we were together meant the most to me because we made a life. Our lovemaking conceived this precious child and it was ours.

I dropped down to the floor and held my head in my hands. I couldn’t stop crying and all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and die.

“Jenna Rose McAllister, you pull yourself together right this instant!”

I’d know that heartless woman’s voice anywhere. It belonged to none other than my mother, a Miami socialite, wife to a brilliant attorney, and one of the wealthiest women I may ever know.

“Do you know how filthy these floors are, young lady? Get up before you catch a disease of some sort.” And there we had it, ladies and gentlemen—Deidre’s righteousness. I could tell she brought her bitch today.

I wiped my eyes and got up, standing with my arms crossed in front of the bed now. “What do you want, Mother?”

For a second there I could’ve sworn she frowned when she noticed my wet cheeks, but she looked away and began examining the room. “Is there a reason I had to find out about yoursituationfrom Mary Ryder?”

Situation?

“It wasn’t a situation, Mother. I was pregnant.” I began sobbing again and couldn’t control it. “I was pregnant,” I repeated. “Deacon and I were going to have a baby.” I sucked in and took a deep breath. “I was going to be a mother.”

She fixed her designer purse on her wrist and held her head high. “Well, you’re not anymore.” Then she clarified as though I wasn’t already clear on what she was saying, “Going to have a baby or be a mother, that is. So it’s time to stop with this nonsense.”

“Stop with this nonsense?” I repeated her words and quirked a brow. “What the hell are you trying to say?”

My loose brown hair started to fall in front of my eyes, so I pushed it back with my hand. “I’m not in the mood to be hearing any of this right now. So whatever it is you have to say, can you just save it for another day?”

I exhaled and turned around to grab my clothes, but put them under my armpit when she stepped an inch closer in her Louboutins. Leave it to Deidre McAllister to wear ridiculously expensive shoes to visit a hospital, I thought.

Tight-lipped, she wagged her manicured finger in my face and the sound of the bangle bracelets slapping together on her wrist had my attention. She looked me dead in the eye and demanded, “You’re going to get your life back on track, Jenna, do you hear me? You’re coming home with me where you will be well taken care of, and then you’re going to get your life on track.” She grew angrier. “You are a McAllister and it’s high-time you started acting like one.”

My bottom lip quivered, not because I was a grown woman being reprimanded by her mother, but because I knew that I didn’t have it in me to fight her and I knew she knew that. She’d been waiting for the moment I’d be my most vulnerable to strike. This was all she’d ever wanted. Well, she finally got it. Because I didn’t want to argue with her. I didn’t want to do anything but curl up in a ball and sleep. That was pretty much all I could have handled at the moment.

“Okay,” I whispered.

She blinked twice. “Okay?”

I nodded. “Okay,” I repeated, so we knew we were both on the same page.

She pushed things, though, adding, “And you’re going to get over this sick obsession you have with this boy. No more talking about him, no more moping about him. If I so much as see you staring at a picture of him, I swear—”

I closed my eyes and let the tears fall out. “You can’t ask that of me.”

“Oh, I’m not asking. I’m telling.” Her eyes grew more serious as she continued, “This has gone on for too long as it is. When he left, I thought you were finally free of him. I thought you’d come to your senses, but clearly not.” She eyed my stomach and looked visibly sick. “How could you be so careless?”

I swallowed. “We didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“You’re a smart woman, Jenna. You’re a lawyer, for crying out loud, and you let a motorcycle-driving, reckless bad boy mess with you, your emotions. You don’t really think he’s in any place to raise a child, do you? How could you let this happen?” She shook her head. “You were going to be a single mother. You’d throw your whole life away for one night with that boy?”

I spat back, “I love him!”

She scoffed. “You don’t know what love is. Love isn’t being selfish. If he loved you, then he would’ve never come crawling back to you.”

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