Page 27 of Forever My Soldier

Why, oh why, did I make the idiotic decision to be overly ambitious and mount bar prep right on top of studying for my last semester of law school classes? I was barely seeing the light of day, except for running to and from classes these last few weeks. Clearly that was a very bad idea because I hadn’t been feeling well lately, so I must have made myself run down and sick.Great.The strength it took to just drag myself out of my apartment was incredible. It was quite unlike me, but I was tired, so very tired, all the time.

I thought things couldn’t get much worse, but then the vomiting started and if there was anything I hated more than being sick, it was throwing up. Even thinking about it was turning my stomach—ironic, wasn’t it? It had been weeks now and I wasn’t feeling any better. I would have gone to the doctor except for the fact that I detested the doctor’s office. It almost always smelt too sterile and there was just a certain feeling that always hung in the air—dread, illness, I wasn’t sure which.

That was why I decided to drive to the drugstore. There had to be something there that could help whatever bug I caught. I looked up at the aisle signs and headed in the direction of the one I needed, but was distracted by a little girl holding a caramel apple and angling it in the air. The potent smell hit my nose immediately and I thought I was going to be sick. Dammit, I mused, it was like my nose was better at picking up scents than a hound dog. Whatever I had was deadly, that was for sure, because smells that never bothered me before were making me want to puke.

I had given up on adding maple syrup to my pancakes at the start of this virus for that very reason. As soon as I brought the fork to my mouth the smell had me running to the bathroom.

I slowly backed up from the offending smell, but couldn’t help eavesdropping on her mother’s conversation. She was mere inches away from me, heavy in thought. “So many choices,” she said to herself. “I just want to know if I’m pregnant.”

I cleared my throat, suddenly nervous. That was when she noticed me standing there. I knew it was rude, but I realized I was staring. I just couldn’t help myself. Between her little girl and her annoyance, well she sort of reminded me of myself—the annoyed part anyway.

“Sorry,” she said.

I stifled a laugh. “I should apologize, I didn’t mean to be so rude.”

“Please, what’s rude is all these companies. Can’t they just make one pregnancy test for crying out loud? They all do the same thing. I pee on a stick and get an answer. Why so many choices?”

I shook my head. “I couldn’t tell you, but that should make picking easier, I’d think,” I rationalized.

“Well, which one are you buying?” she pushed.

That was when it hit me. It was like a truck came right through the aisle and slammed right into me causing me to go off balance. I could hardly stand. I held on to the shelf as I digested what she just asked me.

“Hey, are you okay? You look a little faint.”

I looked up at her and nearly threw up right there. I needed a paper bag. “I, uh,” I started but could seem to form a coherent sentence.

She pulled her daughter close and looked at me closely. “I didn’t mean— I just assumed—“

“It’s okay,” I said, “I just never gave it any thought.”

“Oh,” she said, looking apologetic. “You came down this aisle.”

I looked at all the shelves of pregnancy tests and nearly groaned.How could I be so stupid?“Your daughter caught my eye, she’s adorable. Hey, are you nauseous?” I asked suddenly.

She nodded. “All the time.” She rolled her eyes. “My husband was so in the mood this morning to, you know, but I couldn’t do it. I had to run to the bathroom and hurl.” Then she leaned over and grabbed my arm. “Oh, and the smell of fish. I mean, I used to like fish, but now I’m thinking I’ll become a vegetarian.”

I started thinking aloud, my head spinning. “I’ve been busy and stressed, so I thought that was why I wasn’t getting my period.” Then I looked down at the floor and prayed there was another answer, but there wasn’t, was there?

“Sweetie, it sounds like you might be pregnant.”

“But I haven’t had sex in weeks!” I put a hand over my mouth at the sudden outburst and then whispered, “It can’t be. I mean, he’s not even here.”

“Where is he?”

“Serving in the military.”

She nodded. “I understand why you don’t want this to be the case, then.”

“What?”

“You don’t want him to miss out on this beautiful time.”

“No, I mean we’re not ready to have a baby. We’re not even together.”That was it, I really needed that paper bag.Practically hyperventilating, I ran a hand through my hair and began taking deep breaths so as not to pass out in the drugstore. “I thought I was sick. That I had the flu,” I told her.Why was I spilling my guts to a complete stranger?

She looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. “Try this one.” She handed me a pink box with a pregnancy test in it. “This is the one I’m buying,” she said as if the decision was finally obvious to her.

I nodded. “Thank you,” I said.

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