Page 44 of Raider Unleashed

“Proper thing,” Harlan shot back. Then the smile faded off his face. “Seriously, Raider, how are you doing?”

Raider shrugged. “I…I don’t know. I mean, fuck, on the one hand, I’m angry as hell at her. She should have told me about the pregnancy. She should’ve trusted me.” He took a long swallow of his beer and then put the empty bottle on the bar. This time when the bartender came over he nodded his assent. He’d have just one more.

“And on the other hand?” Harlan countered.

“On the other hand, you’re right. I still love her. I’ve never stopped loving her. Not even for a minute. Seeing her get shot damn near killed me. I don’t want to be without her.”

Harlan nodded. “It sucks to care about people because when shit happens to them, it’s crippling.”

The bottle was cold when Raider lifted his second beer to his lips. “You can say that again. Aged me twenty years.”

“Makes you realize what Piper must have felt when you’d come back all busted up.”

He stared at his friend. He’d never thought about it like that. He’d just assumed somehow it was different for her.

“So what are you gonna do?” Harlan pushed.

“No idea.”

“That’s bullshit. You know exactly what you’re gonna do. You’re just a puny little scaredy cat.”

Raider turned to his best friend. “Did you just call me the name a five-year-old would use?”

“Uh-huh. Scaredy cat.” Harlan tried to keep a straight face but the two of them burst into laughter. “Finish your beer, get some sleep, and deal with it all in the morning. That’s an order,” he said as he clicked beer bottles with Raider.

“Yes, sir,” Raider agreed. “Be happy to.” All except the dealing with it in the morning. He wasn’t happy about that at all.

Raider lurked just outside the hospital room door and watched as Piper signed the paperwork and handed it back to the nurse. She was ready to be discharged. He entered the room as the nurse finished giving Piper instructions on how to care for the wound.

“Thanks,” Piper commented as the nurse bustled out of the room. She met Raider’s gaze. Looking tired but a lot better than she had in the SUV, Piper offered him a small smile. “What brings you here?”

Raider cocked his head. “I think we need to talk.”

Piper let out a long sigh. “I guess we do.” She promptly sat down on the bed.

Raider stood a few feet away in the middle of the room. He didn’t want to get any closer. This was hard enough as it was. The knot in his gut pained him. Each time he’d thought about all he had to say, his nerves jolted as though playing kickball with barbed wire. But he had to get all this out or it would haunt him for the rest of his days.

“Piper—”

“Raider—”

They both stared at each other. “You go first,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

She nodded. “Okay, I owe you an apology for how I treated you. I panicked about everything, losing the baby, Marta dying … And instead of dealing with it, I took the easy route. I pushed you away. Somehow it was simpler to lock it all away if I didn’t have to see you, see the disappointment in your face. I should have told you about the baby. I should’ve faced up to everything. I am so sorry for hiding it.”

“I appreciate that.” He stared at her and screwed up his courage. He needed to get this next part right. “Piper, I’m sorry too. Sorry we lost the baby, yeah, but also sorry I wasn’t there to help you through that pain. I knew there was something more going on, but I didn’t push. I should’ve fought harder.”

She offered him a sad little smile. “Considering I was in a state of total denial, I’m not sure it would’ve made a difference. But thanks for saying it. If we’re being honest then I should tell you that the real reason I didn’t tell you about the baby was that if I said it out loud, if I told you, that made it real. You were still away and had two months left on your tour. I didn’t think telling you over Facetime was the best way to let you know you were going to be a dad. Also, I was so terrified something would happen to you and I would end up raising our child on my own. I just don’t think I could’ve done that. So, if I didn’t tell you I was pregnant then the baby didn’t really exist.” She shook her head sadly. “Stupid, I know but I lived in terror of having a Navy Chaplain show up on my doorstep to tell me you were dead.”

He sighed. “I get it. I really do. Seeing you get shot, well it almost destroyed me. I almost stopped functioning. I can’t imagine what it was like for you waiting at home for me, never truly knowing what was going on with me. I understand yourfear. I get why you didn’t tell me. The part I have the hardest time with was that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me after the fact what had happened. Why didn’t you trust me, Piper?”

The ache in her heart made her want to ask the nurse for drugs, any drugs that would blot out the past. She rested a hand over her splintering heart. “I…I did trust you. I didn’t trust me. I thought if I told you what I’d done, that I’d lost our baby by being reckless, you wouldn’t love me anymore, that you’d hate me. I didn’t think I could survive that, so I struck first. I thought if I drove you away then at least I would experience the pain of it all on my own terms. It was a form of…punishment, I guess. Penalizing myself for what happened.” She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she kept her hands tightly laced together. “I’m just so sorry that I punished you as well.”

Raider shook his head. “What happened could’ve happened to anyone and does every single damn day. Women miscarry all the time. Falling from the fence might have caused it or so might have a dozen other things. You shouldn’t have blamed yourself. God knows I’ve made moves in the field that I look back on and realize how stupid they were. In the heat of battle, decision-making is different. I don’t blame you for losing the baby. I’m just so pissed at you for not telling me. We’ve spent five long years apart because of it. What a waste.”

She frowned at him. Her stomach fluttered. Was he saying…did he mean…

“What do you mean?”

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