Page 49 of Sassy & Sixty

"Julie, offer the 'moon rocks' (cheese cubes)! Emma, stand by with the 'cosmic dust' (crushed crackers)! Catherine, be prepared with the 'alien smoothies' (green juice) if negotiations fail. And for heaven's sake, someone distract them from the 'forbidden planet' (the biscuit tin)!"

Rosie watched in equal parts amusement and admiration as her friends transformed into a well-oiled (if slightly bewildered) childcare machine. She had to admit, they were nothing if not enthusiastic.

"You know," Julie mused as she attempted to convince Daisy that painting on paper was more fun than painting on her leg, "this reminds me of the time I tried to teach art to a group of particularly spirited pensioners. Same level of creativity, slightly less mess... actually, about the same level of mess."

Emma snorted. "Speak for yourself. I'm one crayon stain away from turning this shirt into an avant-garde masterpiece. Maybe I'll call it 'Supernova in Polyester' and sell it for millions."

As lunchtime approached, Rosie decided it was time for a walk in the park. Surely, she thought, fresh air would burn off some of the twins' seemingly endless energy.

The simple act of getting two three-year-olds, five sixty-something women, and what seemed like half a toy shop's worth of entertainment out of the house and down the street turned into an expedition worthy of National Geographic.

"Emma, you can't bring a kite to the park," Rosie sighed, watching her friend attempt to stuff the oversized toy into an already bulging backpack.

"Why not?" Emma protested. "You never know when you might need an emergency distraction. Besides, it doubles as a makeshift sunshade. Or a sail, if we decide to commandeer a boat and become pirates instead of astronauts."

Eventually, they made it to the park, looking like a particularly eclectic tour group. Julie insisted on bringing her sketchpad ("The children's unbridled joy is simply begging to be captured!").

As they settled on a picnic blanket, attracting curious glances from other park-goers, Rosie felt a moment of pure contentment. Yes, it was chaotic. Yes, there was a very real possibility that one of them (probably Emma) might accidentally teach the twins something inappropriate. But looking around at her friends, all engaged in various games and activities withGeorge and Daisy, she felt a warmth in her heart that had nothing to do with the unseasonably warm weather.

Of course, the moment of peace didn't last long.

"Um, Rosie?" Catherine's voice was filled with concern. "Is it normal for children to try and climb trees at this age?"

Rosie whirled around to see George halfway up an oak tree, with Daisy cheering him on from below. "Oh, for heaven's sake," she muttered, rushing over to coax him down. "George, darling, we don't climb trees without a grown-up to help us. We're not monkeys."

"But Grandma," George protested, his little face serious, "I'm not a monkey. I'm a brave space explorer looking for new planets!"

"Well, brave space explorer," Rosie said, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice, "I think this mission needs to be grounded for now. How about we explore the sandbox instead?"

As she helped George down, she could hear Emma chuckling behind her. "You know," Emma mused, "it would make keeping an eye on them a lot easier if they were monkeys. Just give them some bananas and let them swing from tree..."

But she was cut off by a sudden shriek from Julie.

“It’s him, look. Richard. Down there by the river.”

They all looked up to see Catherine’s ex-husband running away.

“We’ve seen you,” Julie shouted. “We’re calling the Police.”

But he’d gone. Disappeared into the park.

“We need to do something about him,” said Rosie. “I’ve seen him a few times now, and though he’s not bothering Catherine, he really shouldn’t be hanging around us all the time.”

“We’ll make a plan,” said Rosie. “We’ll think of some way of making him leave us alone.”

While they chatted, a small commotion was starting around Julie’s easel. They heard their friend wail and shout: "Mymasterpiece!" as she dived forward to save her painting that was flying off through the air. In her haste, Julie knocked over the snack bag, sending its contents scattering across the grass.

What followed was a scene of such delightful chaos that several nearby dog-walkers stopped to watch, clearly unsure whether they were witnessing a very unique childcare approach or a very strange performance art piece.

Emma, in a misguided attempt to help, began chasing after rolling apples, her progress hampered by the fact that she was now wearing the kite as a makeshift cape. "Fear not, citizens!" she called out dramatically. "Captain Kite is here to save the day!"

George and Daisy, delighted by this new game, began running after her, shouting "Save the apples! Save the apples!" at the top of their lungs.

Catherine, panicking at the sight of the twins gleefully helping themselves to the spilled snacks.

"Now, children," she said, trying to sound stern but failing miserably, "we mustn't eat food off the ground. It's... it's not proper space explorer behaviour!"

Lisa, who’d been on the sidelines reading for most of the afternoon, abandoned her book and tried to distract the children with an impromptu puppet show using her reading glasses and a particularly expressive napkin. "Look," she said, waving the napkin dramatically, "it's the... er... the Great Space Napkin! He's come to teach us about the importance of tidiness in zero gravity!"

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