Page 34 of Sassy & Sixty

But Maria, fuelled by wine and righteous anger and flanked by her friends, found her voice. "Explain? EXPLAIN? You explained before. That’s why I moved out. You are a lying, cheating, manipulative excuse for a man. I don’t want any more explanations. I want a divorce.”

“A divorce? Don’t be ridiculous.”

The attractive young woman looked up. “You are married? You told me you were divorced.”

“Shhh…” said David, aggressively. “This has nothing to do with you.”

“Really? Nothing to do with me? Fine. In that case, I’m off.”

“No, don’t go. For God’s sake. What’s wrong with women. Why are you all such drama queens?”

Maria had heard enough. Before her husband had realised what was happening, she had hurled the pack of toilet paperat David's head. Her aim, unfortunately, was less than perfect, so the pack sailed past David and knocked over a carefully constructed display of shampoo bottles, sending them clattering to the floor in a tsunami of hair care products.

The crash echoed through the store, followed by a moment of stunned silence. Then, chaos erupted.

Emma, seizing the moment, grabbed another pack of toilet paper and lobbed it at David, this time hitting her mark. "That's for every time you made Maria feel less than the amazing woman she is!" she yelled.

Seeing their friend in distress, the other women joined in. Soon, the air was filled with flying toilet paper, cotton balls, and the occasional bottle of shampoo.

David beat a hasty retreat, ducking and weaving to avoid the barrage of toiletries while swearing at the women and telling them how childish they were. As soon as he was out of sight, a cheer went up from the Sensational Sixties Squad.

Their victory was short-lived, however. The manager, alerted by the commotion, came running down the aisle. When he saw who was causing all the trouble, his face went purple with rage.

"That's it!" he bellowed. "Out! All of you, out of my store this instant!"

Rosie, mortified, tried to apologise. "We're so sorry, we'll clean this up…" she started.

But the manager was having none of it. "Out!" he repeated, pointing towards the exit.

Gathering what little dignity they had left, the women made their way to the front of the store, past gawking customers and whispering employees. As they stepped out into the parking lot, the reality of what had just transpired began to sink in.

For a moment, they all stood in silence, looking at each other with a mixture of shock and barely suppressed mirth.

“Well, I’m glad we managed to conduct a basic shopping trip with our bringing huge embarrassment upon ourselves,” said Rosie.

Then, as if on cue, they all burst into laughter.

"Did you see David's face?" Maria gasped, wiping tears from her eyes. "I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast!"

"Forget David," Trisha chortled. "Did you see the manager? I thought he was going to explode!"

As their laughter subsided, Rosie looked around at her friends - dishevelled, giddy, and banned for life from Waitrose. She should have been mortified. She should have been angry. Instead, she felt a bubbling sense of joy and camaraderie.

"Well, ladies," she said, unable to keep the smile from her face, "I think we can safely say that was the most eventful grocery trip in history."

"Hear, hear!" Emma cheered. "Now, who's for a takeaway? I don't know about you lot, but all that excitement has made me peckish."

As they made the short walk home, still giggling and recounting their favourite moments from their supermarket adventure.

“You know, I’ve just realised something important,” she said. “Life after sixty isn't about slowing down or fading away. It’s about seizing every moment and laughing in the face of adversity. We might only have 20 years left…we haven’t got time for excusing bad behaviour and meekly backing away when there’s trouble.”

The pub was dimly lit,the air thick with smoke and the murmur of conversation. Richard sat at a corner table, surrounded by his old army mates. Empty pint glasses littered the table, atestament to the hours they'd spent reminiscing about their glory days.

"I'm telling you, lads," Richard slurred, his fist coming down hard on the table, "civvy life's a bloody nightmare. No order, no discipline. And the women? They've got no respect for authority."

His mate, Tom, clapped him on the shoulder. "Still having trouble with the missus, eh?"

Richard's face darkened. "Ex-missus. Catherine's got it in her head that she can manage without me. Ha! She wouldn't last a day in the real world without my guidance. She’s got all these ‘friends’ – a bunch of dopey old women. She spends all her time with them and they’re trying to keep me away from her."

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