Page 60 of That Emerald Vow

“Only if you stay with me.” My eyes look at him, pleading.

He kisses my forehead. “I don’t plan to go anywhere.” We walk to my bedroom with our hands interlocked, and I’ve never felt so safe and cared for.

Damon and I are currently at Adrian’s house—where Lily has been staying for the last couple days—for dinner. The boys are still cooking when Lily excuses herself to the back porch. We all look at each other, and I silently nod to follow behind her.

I sit next to her on the porch swing outside and ask, “Dumb question alert, but are you okay?”

She’s in recovery mode, but I’m still worried about her. There’s one thing Lily hates thinking of herself as, and it’s weak. I’m trying to meet her where she’s at and push her but also not too much to cause her to shut down. She knows processing her trauma isn’t a weakness, but it’s easier saying that as the person on the outside looking in.

She bends over and puts her face in her hands and sighs loudly. “Why is it so fucking hard to be normal again?”

“Because something incrediblynotnormal happened to you, babes. And it’s okay to let yourself feel all of the emotions that go with it,” I say as I rub her back.

“But I want to be okay again. I’m okay. I’m here safe with y’all. That should be enough.”

“You are safe, but that doesn’t take away the very real fear you had for a fucking week of not feeling safe.”

“I flinched when Damon came to say hi,” she cries out. “It’s fuckingDamon, one of the sweetest humans alive. I didn’t do that with Rowan, and he was there in the thick of it.”

I pull Lily up and nuzzle her into my chest. “Babes, that’s the point. Rowan was there in the thick of it. He was the light during some of your darkest days. From what you’ve told me, he helped you by getting you out of performing for those disgusting humans and from being forced to . . .” I can’t bring myself to say it. “He helped eliminate the assholes and kept you safe as best he could. Rowan was about to help you escape before our knights came flying in and took over.”

“I know . . . That all makes sense, but I know I should feel safe around Ade and D. It feels like my body is betraying me.”

“Lily, it’s okay to not be okay. And your body isn’t betraying you, babe. It’s telling you what it needs. And right now, human touch from a man, even men you trust, is just a no-go. And. That’s. Okay.” I emphasize the last part.

She takes a deep breath in and out.

“I didn’t want to worry you, but around Christmas, my uncle was there . . .”

She sits up to look at me, worry replacing her tear-stained eyes.

“He tried something . . . but my mom got there, and of course I was the one who got in trouble. It was something sm—not small,” I say quickly as her eyes narrow at me. “Don’t yell at me. I’m still trying to process all of it. But it wasn’t to the extent of the cruelty and pain he caused when I was a child. It was seconds, but it left me feeling disgusting and dirty.”

“Char, you could have told me.” Lily places her hand over mine.

I smile at her as my own eyes fill with tears. “I know, Lils. But you know better than anyone how hard it is to navigate through it. And no matter how much our rational brains know to look at these situations, sometimes our survival and emotional brains just can’t think that wayand the negativity seeps in.”

“You’re telling me,” she scoffs jokingly.

“Yeah.” I laugh with her. “I spent the next few months not being able to even think about sex with another person. It was torture. Vy had to put in a lot of work.”

Lily snorts so loudly. “Your vibrator?”

“I had to get release somehow, woman.” I wink at her.

She shakes her head at me. “You’re too much. How about now?”

I look out into the distance, pretending to not understand the question. “How about now, what?”

“Oh, shut up. You know exactly what I am saying. Damon. How are you feeling now about human contact?”

Relenting, I admit how I feel. “Not as held back . . . I feel safe with him.”

Lily smiles so warmly at me. It’s almost like old Lily is back for a moment. “I knew it! I am so happy for you both.”

“I mean, nothing has happened yet. Except the whole masturbatingtogetherthatonetime,” I say so quickly, Lily gets whiplash with how fast her head turns from looking at the door to the house and back at me.

“Charlotte Rose Thatcher! Spill!”

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