Page 35 of That Emerald Vow

“There is no me and Damon,” I say, but even I don’t fully believe it.

A petite hand blocks my view and slams the menus into the granite countertop of my kitchen island. “Bitch, that is such a pile of horseshit. I’ve never seen two people click so fast. Not even Adrian and I did that. Our love stemmed from years of friendship. Yours stemmed from . . . I don’t know. Fate or whatever the fuck you said earlier.”

I grab her hand gently and move it away from the menus. “While I believe that fate brought us all together—that you and Ade are endgame, and that we can now all work together to end X— I am just happy with my best friend and two other friends I can kick ass with. I don’t need that ‘run off into the sunset with a happily ever after’ fairytale. I don’t want it. Especially not with Damon.” Those last words feel like razor blades coming out of my mouth.

“Really? That’s not what we spoke about literally the other day. Was that a lie? You all making googly eyes at each other the other day was a lie? Was the clear pain across your face earlier tonight also a lie?” She straightens up and stares at me, deadpan.

Putting the menus down—having given up on them—I put on my best fake smirk. “Do I want to fuck him? Sure. He’s hot and looks like a good time. Was I upset earlier? Duh, we were becoming friends. That’s. All.”

“Mm-hmm. That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

Lily actually looks pissed. Leave it to my best friend to not take my shit. But I’m not ready to admit that today re-instilled the fear I’ve had since my ex. Damon is breaking through my walls, but I refuse to let them crumble to dust. I need to protect myself.

I continue. “Two broken people like that can never truly trust enough to be together in a real way.” Lily opens her mouth to argue. “And, no, asyoupointed out. You and Ade have a lot of history—a foundation to build off of. I’m not interested in that shit. I’m here for a good time, not a long time when it comes to romance.”

“Char . . .” She moves towards me, her voice growing more gentle. “I don’t buy that.”

“Well, I do. Now let’s eat. I’m starving.” My chest feels like it’s being crushed with the weight of my own lies. I throw the menus towards Lily. “Pick something. I need to use the bathroom.”

I don’t let her say a word as I walk upstairs to my bedroom, closing the door and walking into the master bath. I close that door as well—needing the security of distance. If anyone can see through my bullshit, it’s Lily. And right now, I need a second to come back to my senses.

I walk to my vanity, seeing my reflection. Everything looks as pristine as when I left earlier. Mother taught me well. But I can see that broken girl if I look long enough at my reflection. I think that’s what scares me most. Damon pays so much attention to my eyes—looking straight into my darkened soul. He won’t like what he finds.

“No one will ever love you, Charlotte. You are unlovable.”

“You’re just a good lay for them. Nothing more.”

Bending over the sink, I turn the water on and take my makeup off with micellar water as I wait for it to get really cold. I grab my cleanser and use the water to wash away my emotions from the long day. By the time I’m done with my nighttime routine, I feel more like myself. Or at least the version of me that I wear as armor—protecting me from feeling.

“I ordered us some Chinese,” Lily says as I walk back to my kitchen, where she sits on the bar stool.

“Thanks,” I say and go to grab us some drinks. “Iced tea? Water?”

“Water.” There’s a pause before she continues. “Okay. I want to push. But I also want to respect your needs. So I will ask you, and your ass better be honest. Push or pass?”

Push or pass is something we started using to challenge each other when we’re being stupid but also be respectful to not push too far too soon. We’re pretty attuned to each other, but sometimes we don’t know which option is best.

I turn to face her, gnawing my inner cheek, not knowing what I need. “P-pass.”

“Pass till later, not never. But okay. I’ll respect that.”

I let out a deep, relieving breath. “I love you.”

She leans forward on her arms. “I love you too, you dumb hoe,” she says, shaking her head. “I want to throttle you right now for being stupid. But I’ll allow it because today has been crazy.”

“You’re the dumb hoe,” I sass back at her.

“Well, duh. That’s why we’re soulmates.” She winks at me as I hand her the glass of water she wanted.

Soulmates aren’t just the romantic partners they talk about in all those movies and books. Soulmates are also those friendships that set your soul on fire. They are the person who will forever have your back with absolutely no judgment. Well . . . a little judgment of course. But they’re allowed to because they’re the only ones who’ll make you see reason.

I wink back at her just as we bust out chuckling—diffusing the tension in the room. We decide there has been enough talking and sharing for tonight and settle to watch a romantic comedy classic while we eat. Sometimes you need something mindless to help you just shut off and be in the moment. It’s what we both truly need. Everything else will be tomorrow’s problem.

I must admit, even though the movie is working its magic on me, I can’t help but imagine Damon and me instead of the two leads in some parts—my subconscious trying hard to shove my emotions at me.I’m fucked.

“Morning, babes,” Lily says as she hands me a cup of coffee—light and sweet just the way I like it. “I heard you shuffling around. Figured you’d need your liquid wake-up drug immediately.”

Dragging my feet, I go to take a seat on the couch. “You wouldn’t be wrong.” I take a careful sip of the hot latte, letting it warm me up. Working night shifts so often has completely fucked my sleep schedule, and I’m chronically exhausted. I don’t let people realize how much though by covering it up with my unhinged and bubbly personality.Never show weaknessis a quiet lesson I learned from my family. “This is perfect, thank you!”

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