Page 57 of Edging Obsession

“Yes.” My arm stretches toward my mom and dad. “My parents are your biological parents.”

Elisabeth moves over to Anja, sobbing, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, and Anja withdraws from her to stand. She rubs her hands over her arms, eyes wandering from one person to another, backing up until she’s pressed against the wall.

We remain still while she hugs her arms over her stomach and asks, “How did this happen?” Her eyes snap to her mom’s. “Mother. You were born and raised German.” Miles starts translating. A sobbing Elisabeth nods. “How is it possible for me to be switched at birth with an American baby?”

Elisabeth inhales and responds, “I went to spend time with my cousin and went into labor early.”

Anja’s pinched face says it all. Miles doesn’t have to translate. She’s confused, sick, sad, and probably a million other emotions like I felt. When you find out your life isn’t really yours, it rattles the nerves, pierces the heart, and your mind rewinds through the past. The moments of love. Fights. Heartbreak over a boy. Learning how to ride a bike. Waiting at the coffee shop until my parents closed for the day. Dance recitals. My father’s heart attack. The list goes on. There was and is a place of security in my parents’ presence. In their arms. I can only hope Anja experienced the same, which from the looks of it, she did. Elisabeth did what she could to provide a loving and safe house.

Without stepping toward her, I say, “Anja, I know how you’re feeling. When my parents told me, I went through a myriad of emotions.”

She’s staring at me as if wanting more consoling and understanding.

“My parents’ lives revolved around me. Work. School. Dance recitals. Sicknesses. Everything. They never failed to be there, which I’m sure Elisabeth did the same.” Now I take a step forward. “You’re not expected to just accept what we’ve told you and move on. Take your time to process this information, and when you’re ready, we’ll all be here for you.”

Tears dangle on Anja’s lashes. “What was your reaction when they told you?”

I let out a soft laugh, remembering it. “Shocked. Sad. Guilty.”

Her head rests to the side. “Why guilty?”

Looking at my parents, and then Elisabeth, I turn back to Anja. “Because I’m kind of weird.” She lets out a giggle. “No, really, I am weird.” I let out a long sigh. “My parents…” placing my hand on my chest, I add, “…yourparents loved me unconditionally.”

She offers me a small smile. “My mother…well,yourmother did the same.”

“Then I guess you can say we’re pretty lucky.”

“What kind of accident were you in?”

I glance over my shoulder at Elisabeth, wondering what she’ll think of me. Will she be disappointed? Disgusted? Will she want nothing to do with me? It isn’t until my mom slips her arm through mine, nods for me to go on, that the pounding of blood in my ears subsides.

In a deadpan stare, I say, “I attempted suicide.”

Anja gasps, walking over to me. “What? Why?”

The blush of warmth of my embarrassment has me gazing at the floor. “I’ve suffered from depression ever since I can remember. At one pivotal point, I couldn’t handle the mess I made of my life, wanting it to end. It turns out, I also suffer from bipolar.” I let out a half-hearted laugh. “I’m messed up.”

She touches my arm, and I raise my head. “I’m glad you failed.”

We smile at each other as Elisabeth stands to our side, wondering what we’re talking about. I ask Miles to interpret. After he finishes, Elisabeth is a ball of sobs, and without thinking, crushes me against her. My arms hesitantly capture her, and I rest my head on her shoulder. The silence grows.

Elisabeth releases me. “I suffer from depression, too. I’m so sorry to have passed it on to you.”

“Oh my God, don’t be. You gave me life, which I do love. I just happened to have hit a snag, and I didn’t think it through. Ending my life seemed like the thing to do at the time, but like Anja, I’m glad I failed.”

“Me too.”

Anja focuses on my mom and dad. “Do either of you have any mental illness?”

My dad responds, “No, but I did have a heart attack a couple of years ago.”

She places a hand over her heart. “Are you all right?”

My dad smiles. “Yes, thank you. Elise makes sure I take my medication and eat properly.”

Anja folds her hands in front of her. “I must have gotten my black hair from you.”

“Looks like.”

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