Page 48 of Edging Obsession

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My dead wifeis the last thing Miles says before gulping down a couple more drinks, changing into workout gear, and slamming the door on his way out. I’m frustrated. Anxious. Through my mood swings, Miles is there for me, so I want to be a shoulder for him to cry on. Well, maybe to lean on. I’ve never seen the man cry. He guards his heart and life closely. His is what a tearless existence looks like. I’m baffled by his indifferent public persona. When we’re together, Miles gives me his all. He’s attentive, caring, funny, and affectionate. How does one separate different sides to them? Become closed off one minute and open up in the next. I wear my feelings on my sleeve.

Two hours pass since Miles left the house. There’s no way I’m going to sleep, so I dress warm for a walk around the grounds. Old decorative lanterns light the pathway from his home to the roundabout. Men roam the area, not paying much attention to me. It’s eerily quiet at this time of night. I don’t want to see my parents because they’ll most likely start carrying on again about Miles. The gym Miles pointed out yesterday is lit up. I check the handle, which opens into a small foyer.Umkleideis on a couple of doors. I search the word on Google translate and it means changing rooms. To avoid surprising someone, I decide not to go in there.

The double doors in front of me open onto the gym, loaded with workout equipment and a boxing ring in one corner. On the opposite side of the room, Miles hits a hanging punching bag with his hands and feet. Even from here, I can see blood on his hands.

I’m about to go to him, but Johann appears out of nowhere, standing by my side. “This is how he deals with grief.”

Slowly releasing a breath, I ask, “Did you hear about what happened?”

“Ja.”

I rub my arms to fend off my uneasiness regarding Miles and tonight’s disturbance. “What did the man want? They were speaking German, but we know it must have been serious.”

Johann turns to me. “How do you know?”

My eyes fall on Miles. “Because I’ve never seen anything, or anyone ruffle Miles. He’s always…collected. Composed.”

He sighs and joins me watching Miles bloody his hands. “Karina was Matthias’ wife. This man Uwe claims to have been her lover, along with being the father of her unborn child.”

I gasp. “What?”

He folds his arms. “To begin, they didn’t have a great relationship. My little brother has hardened over the years. Karina was…I can’t think of the word. Someone who wanted his attention all the time. She craved money and for everyone to look at her.”

“Narcissist? Attention seeker?”

“Yes. Attention seeker. And narcissist.”

This forces me to swallow. “Needy.”

“Yes.” He snaps his fingers. “Both. Karina was much into herself.”

To no one in particular, I say, “Why would Miles want me? I’m needy, too.”

Johann lets out a small laugh. “Matthias is in love with you. At one time, he did love Karina, but he didn’t trust her. She spent a lot of his money. Partied and joined in the orgies. Because Matthias is open to everything sexual, he didn’t have a problem sharing her with others as long as he was around.” He turns his attention to me. “But I have never seen my little brother look at Karina the way he looks at you with pure joy. He brightens in your company.”

Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, I whisper, “Thank you. Mein Lieber is hurting.”

He smiles at the German usage. “Your Lieber.” Johann shakes his head with a grin. “Yeah, he’s hurting. Even though their relationship wasn’t the best, he wanted children.”

“Does he still?”

“I’m not sure anymore. He’s changed. Back then, he couldn’t wait to be a father. The car crash ended it all. The loss and guilt for being the driver and avoiding injury killed him.”

“And now another man claims to be the baby’s father.”

“Yes. For any man, finding out your spouse cheated on you is a hit to the ego. He’s blamed himself all this time for killing his child when she had been unfaithful.”

I glance up at him. “Thank you for telling me.”

“My little brother struggles with his past. He doesn’t show his emotions, but I know they’ve gone to battle inside him. Miles feels he has to be strong, refusing any help. When he was young, I looked after him. Our father couldn’t be bothered, and our mother took off to America to be an actress.”

I’m hugging my midriff, shocked my Miles had it tough. This is the first I hear of his mother. How can a mother do such a thing? I’ve had wonderful parents, and he was left to fend for himself.

“How awful that she’d abandon two little boys for Hollywood?”

“Selfishness has no boundaries.”

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