Page 41 of Edging Obsession

Taking a breath, I direct my apology to Elise and Elliott. “I apologize for the comment.” My hands go up, shaking my head. “It was completely wrong and heartless for me to say.” Elise is wiping the tears from Jules’ face, and Elliott’s hands keep curling into fists and then relaxing. “Jules loves you both, and because I adore and love your daughter, I’ll do what I can to make up for my remark.”

Elise kisses Jules then stands and guides Elliott to their seats. I remain standing, my eyes coasting from one person to the next. Johann is tense, and Anna has her hands folded in her lap, looking down. With unspoken words, I let my brother know I’m coming clean. He gives a slight nod. Aside from Anna’s, everyone’s eyes are on me.

Wiping my hand down my face, I sit down, and bleed dry my life’s story. “I guess it’s time to put everything on the table. You’re curious about my life for Jules’ sake, so I’ll tell you everything. It’s time I put my secrets to rest.” I pause to find Elliott’s and Elise’s gaze locked on me. “Let me take you to the beginning. Back in the 1890s into the early 1930s, there were German groups called the Ringvereine—Ring Clubs. They consisted of ex-convicts who helped each other with criminal activities. They wore rings to identify members.”

I hold my right hand up to show my silver ring, turning to Jules, who had asked about it before. Her face is pale, eyes darting between my hand, and my face. I breath the connection and glance at her parents. “They were criminal gangs, protecting each other, and paying-off law enforcement. Not much different from the gang activity in the States.” I have their full attention. “Once Hitler came around, he disbanded them so he could have complete control over Germany. Then WWII wiped him out, and some Germans decided to revive the Ringvereine. This time around, they weren’t necessarily ex-cons, but rather average men wanting money, control, and power.” My eyes lock onto Johann’s when I say, “Our father started one of the gangs, called the Bruderschaft, theBrotherhood.”

Elliott’s face crumples when he asks, “You’re part of the German Mafia?”

I nod. His gaze falls onto Elise. Their mouths gaping open, stunned by this revelation. My head turns to Jules, but her chair is empty. At some point, she left, and I didn’t even hear her leave. I’m not sure how much she heard.

20

Mafia! One minute, I’m falling in love with a drummer in a rock band, and the next, I’m finding out he’s in the German Mafia. And to top it off, he was married and was about to have a child! The secrets. Lies. I had to get out of there even though I have no idea where to go other than to his house. Bile rises in my throat. My words to my parents from when we were flying here come to mind.I would never put either of you in danger. If I had the slightest knowledge or feeling Miles was dangerous, none of us would be here. Please accept what Miles has and hasn’t told us.

What was I thinking?

The instant attraction. The control. A different name. Did he prey on me because of my mental illness? His money from the band is the perfect cover for his true identity. And what illegal activities does his family do? Drugs? Sex trafficking?

I drop to the ground, crying into my hands, and shaking my head. Even with this new information I love him. God, I’m so stupid. He played with my emotions, saved my life, only for me to rely on him. Fall for him. Love him more than any man I’ve known.

Miles crouches in front of me. “Jules. Why did you leave?”

Astonished by his question, I lift my head, eyebrows caved in, and say, “Why? Are you kidding me?”

“If you’re upset about what I said, stay and talk about it like a grownup instead of running away.”

I get to my feet, seething, hands clenching at my sides. “Fuck you Miles, or whatever the fuck your name is. Fuck you!”

Turning on the balls of my feet, I walk away, hoping I’m heading in the direction of his house. Miles catches up to me, his strides in line with mine. The silence is thick with emotion. A discussion battle ensues in my head.

Stay and talk like a grownup? Oh, I’m so sorry, did my not wanting to listen to more of your bullshit secrets and lies bother you? Fucking asshole! He’s pretending he’s innocent. Like nothing he said should warrant my reaction. Well, fuck him!

He cuts into the discussion in my head. “It was inevitable I’d have to tell you about my Mafia life. With all that’s happened, I hadn’t found the right time to have the discussion.”

My feet halt, pivoting to face him, and I jab my finger into his arm. “No time is the right time! You charmed your way into my life. Seduced me. Devoted all your time on the road to me so I’d fall for you. I did. I fucking fell for you. My attempted suicide is proof. Then you saved my life, twice, and by then I loved you so much I would die for you. But I’m guessing your Mafia life had something to do with the first attempt on my life, too.” I turn my head, the tears streaming down my face, sucking them back in to focus on him. “The scar on your leg? That’s from the car accident you failed to tell me about, right? The wife and child you had and lost. There were plenty of times you could have told me about them.” A sob stops me from talking and I press the back of my hand to my mouth. “I fell in love with Miles Nash, the most popular drummer in the world. A man who stopped my heart with one glance. A gorgeous man who cared for me when I needed it the most.” My shaky fingers touch my lips. “How could you deceive me? Do you not have a conscience? I loved you!”

There’s a tick in his jaw, his face gone rigid. “Loved? So, you no longer love me? Just like that you go from love to hate?”

I’m shaking my head vigorously. “I didn’t say I didn’t love you.”

He takes a step into my space. “You said loved, as if in past tense.”

“I want to go home.”

Miles stalks toward his house. “Fine! I’m done. I’ll pack for you.”

His long strides have him at the house with me running after him. He takes two steps at a time to the bedroom, retrieves my suitcase, and tosses my clothes inside. It’s Carl all over again. Instead of Carl leaving, it’s me. Except it’s not me. I want to go but I want to stay. This is what he’s done to me. My head is a jigsaw puzzle again. Scattered thoughts, feelings, desires tossed into the air, falling in all different directions.

I run to him, grabbing his arm, shouting, “Stop. Don’t do this.”

Miles stops and throws his arms in the air. “What, Jules? I come clean and you take off, claiming you no longer love me, and you’re ready to go home.” He backs me up against the wall and screams in my face. “What the fuck do you want?”

His nose flares as he breathes hard through his nose. Eyes narrow, gluing me to the wall. My body is trembling from sadness, fear, and crying. Miles has never touched me out of anger. The fear comes from the thought of him being done with me. Tired of my ups and downs. I don’t know what I want. That’s not true. For starters, I’d like it all to stop. The secrets and lies. And most of all, I want Miles. Drummer. Mafia. I’ll take it. I’m sick in the head to accept everything he’s done. His deceit. Being his girlfriend has jeopardized my life…but he’s also protected me. He stayed even after finding out about what I did to my boss. That’s...that’s got to mean something, and not just control. My disgusting behavior was enough for him to flee, yet he stayed. Through my waves of emotions, he simply coasted, making sure I ate, slept, and spoke to the therapist. Looking at his gorgeous, angry face breaks my heart. I did this to him. I gave up.

My hands brace against his chest, pressing my lips together, and I answer, “You.”

Still glaring at me, his large hands wrap around my wrists, and he asks, “Me?”

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