Page 85 of Quiet Chaos

Her jaw tightens, taking long breaths in and out of her nose. “I’m sure, Cade. This is what I want. Please don’t fight me on it.” I give her and the doctor a quick glance and shake my head.

The doctor breaks the awkwardness. “Okay, Sky. You’ll receive chemotherapy through IV. I’ll put together a schedule for both and we’ll get you started soon. Do you have any questions?”

“No. Thank you.”

The doctor gives me a pained expression. “Do you have questions, Cade?” I let out a gruffno. “Then you’ll be hearing from me soon.”

On the drive home, Sky refuses to look at me, and I’m pissed at her decision. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t do whatever it takes to survive and keep the cancer away. At home, she prepares something to eat while I lounge around the pool. I light a cigarette, and when I inhale, a calm washes over me. The smoke hovers around because of the lack of wind. The screen door opens and closes.

Sky takes the cigarette out of my hand and holds it between her fingers, inching it closer to her lips.

“What are you doing? Give me that!” I snatch it away. “What’s wrong with you? We just got back from talking to your oncologist and you’re going to smoke?”

“Exactly. Pretty stupid of me to want to smoke since it causes cancer.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So put it out and toss the pack away. I don’t want you smoking anymore.”

“Tough shit, Sky! We can’t all get what we want.”

She grabs the cigarette and smashes it into the ashtray. I sit up as she points a finger at me. “Oh, you’re mad because I won’t cut up my body? Forgive me for wanting to try something else. Not wanting a hysterectomy and you smoking are two different things.”

I grab another cigarette, but she wrestles for it. “Fucking let it go.”

As I tug it from her, she loses her balance and falls to the ground. I rise to help her, but she wrenches her arm away. “Leave me alone! If you can’t do this for me, then I don’t want any of your help.”

I ignore her and haul her onto my lap. My hand gently grabs her face, waiting until she’s looking at me. “Sky, I backed off when you told me you didn’t want the hysterectomy. Why are you so upset?”

“Because I don’t understand how nonchalant you are about having children. I thought you wanted lots of children.”

My thumbs caress her cheeks. “Hey, I want children, but not at the risk of losing you. And I will not apologize for how I feel. You’re everything to me, Sky.”

Tears escape, and she rests her head against my chest. “And I don’t want to risk losing you, so quit smoking.”

I let out a grumbled laugh. “Let’s make a deal. You kick this cancer’s ass and I’ll try to quit.”

She sits up fast with eyes and mouth wide open. “You will?” I nod. “I’m going to kick cancer’s butt.”

I give her a deep, long kiss and say, “I know you will.”

***

Sky informs the club members of her cancer, and several of them cry, especially Patsy. The guys console me by handing me drinks, patting me on the back, and saying it will all work out. Reed’s the only one who understands what I went through with my mom. The weight of anxiety hovers over me, and I swat it away before it holds me hostage. It’s important to stay strong for Sky. My brothers offer to watch Armstrong, and the women bring over food, which mostly remains untouched. Every week, they remove what’s left in the refrigerator and add new meals. Their support means so much to us.

I accompany Sky to every chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Before preparing for chemo, she read about packing some things to bring along. We stuff a bag with water, snacks, word search puzzles, and a blanket. When I walk into the area where the chemo is administered, all the nurses give me second looks and whispers. My brawny build next to my little Princess must appear odd. It’s the leather jacket, black T-shirt, jeans, and combat boots compared to Sky’s leggings and sweater. When I remove my jacket, exposing my tattoos, they ogle them.

A well-filled out nurse comes over to us and says, “Hello, Sky, I’m Louisa.” She holds out her hand and Sky shakes it. Then she offers it to me. “And you are?”

“Sky’s husband, Cade.”

Louisa nods with a smile. “Nice to meet you, Cade.”

She talks to Sky about what she’s going to do. Once it’s in place, I sit in a chair next to her, scrolling through my phone while Sky works on a puzzle with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. A few hours later and she’s done with chemo.

It’s been two weeks of chemotherapy and radiation, and my heart breaks, watching her suffer through the side effects. She’s been a trooper through the vomiting, diarrhea, and fatigue. Sky hasn’t complained once, but today, I hear her crying in the shower. I open the door to find her sitting on the shower floor.Her wails cut to the core as she stares at the clump of hair in her hand.

I ease her out of the shower, wrap her in a towel, and sit on the floor, rocking her in my arms. She’s lost clumps of hair in different places. I rest my lips on her forehead and breathe.Fucking cancer!It’s fast at making victims.

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