Page 7 of Quiet Chaos

Olivia holds up a pair of faded ripped jeans and a silk sleeveless red scoop neck top. “Before you say anything, try it on first.”

I mumble as I take the clothes and go into the washroom. When I come out, Olivia’s eyes are wide.

“What’s wrong?”

Not taking her eyes off me, she comes over and says, “Sky, you look stunning.” She turns me around, moving me to the door where there’s a full-length mirror. “This is what you’ve been hiding from everyone.”

My arms cover my chest, and I cross my ankles. “I don’t know, Olivia.”

“What’s to know? You look beautiful.” She lowers my arms down. “The scoop neck isn’t low, and the jeans hide everything else.”

“Not really. They’re ripped. Too much of my thigh shows.”

“Bars are dark.”

“What? We’re not going to a bar.”

She puts her hands on her hips. “Yes, we are. It’s time you experience something more than knitting, cooking, and Bible reading.”

“Hey, that’s not nice. And I don’t knit.”

Olivia stands behind me, wraps her arms around my waist and says, “It’s true. Bars aren’t Satan’s house. Try it once and decide for yourself.” She shifts me to face her and puts distance between us. “Don’t turn something down before experiencing it.”

I glance at myself in the mirror. “We’re not even of age.”

She ignores my comment and puts her chin on my shoulder. “Didn’t that Ecclesiastes guy say, ‘There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil.’?”

I laugh at my friend. “Ecclesiastes isn’t a particular guy. It’s a book from the Old Testament.”

“There you have it.”

I smile and repeat, “There you have it.”

***

The night Olivia and I go to the bar, I meet a guy by the name of Christoff. He is handsome and charming. He never pushes a drink on me, letting me enjoy my water. Since then, he comes over, spends a whole day or evening with Ms. Adeline and me. Unfortunately, she and Olivia don’t care for Christoff. They sayhe’s too assertive in my life. I disagree. It’s rare he goes against my wishes, yet still comes around. Besides, I melt like ice cream on a hot sunny day when I gaze into his hazel eyes.

Christoff makes me feel pretty. He fusses over my clothes, and like me, he doesn’t appreciate anything indecent. His eyes linger on me as if the clouds part for a glaring sun. While staring into my eyes, Christoff tells me I’m beautiful, and the simple words crumble my determination a little by keeping the physical part of our relationship only to kissing.

When we’re alone in the living room, because I won’t allow him in my bedroom, he wraps his fingers in my hair, and kisses my neck. It’s as far as I’ll let him go. I know it frustrates him. It frustrates me, too, but if I give more, I won’t be in God’s good graces.

It’s mid-afternoon and Christoff knocks on the door. Ms. Adeline lets out a sigh and tells me she’s going to nap. She’s still under the weather.

Christoff and I snuggle on the couch. He kisses my jaw, neck, and when he brushes the top of my shirt aside, I stop him.

He curses and says, “We’ve been together for several months and this is all you’re going to let me do? I thought you liked me.”

My fingers tug at my shirt and hair to cover my neck. “Of course, I like you. I’m not ready for anything else.”

“If you don’t ready yourself soon, I might find someone else willing to show me how much they appreciate me instead of saying it.”

I avert his eyes. “Please be patient. This is all new to me.”

He hauls me to his side. “Patient, huh?” He lifts my chin for me to look at him. “For a bit. Don’t expect me to wait forever. A man has needs.”

We watch a television show. Christoff receives a text from someone and tells me he has to go. While I’m sitting in the living room reading, Ms. Adeline comes in slower than normal. Shegrabs the back of the couch to catch her fall, except it doesn’t. I scream and run over to where she lies on the ground, holding her chest, while I tell her everything is going to be okay as I dial 911.

I ride the ambulance with her, and now I’m waiting in the emergency room as they run tests. It’s crowded. I thread each rosary bead through my fingers, praying for Ms. Adeline. It’s been two hours and finally someone comes to talk to me.

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