Page 24 of Quiet Chaos

God bless Ms. Adeline. I hope she wasn’t in pain when she passed. Ms. Lila is talking about a grandson she would like me to meet—a wholesome boy. I blush at her matchmaking efforts. Most of what she orders goes home with her in a doggie bag. It’s no surprise at seeing how thin and bony her hands are, her vertebrae spikes through her curved back, and her nylons slip down and bunch at her ankles. No matter the size of the order, the dear woman leaves me a ten-dollar tip.

I’ve made enough over the past week to give Cade money. After his outburst when I questioned him, we’ve been at odds, which has put a damper on our living situation. When I watch him, I’m struck at how beautiful he is, and although I shouldn’t admire his appearance because it objectifies him, he sometimes causes a hiccup in my breathing. On top of that, he’s a good man for assisting me in a time of need, but he doesn’t get me. He doesn’t understand that my faith is part of me. It’s made me who I am today. It’s why I need to pay him back and save money so I can afford a place of my own. Cade can have his home back and not have to be irritated by my beliefs.

A heavy sigh escapes me before I open the door to an enthusiastic Armstrong. Cade’s bike is in front, but I don’t see him anywhere, assuming he’s in his office down the hall. I tap on the door and hear a grunt. Using my fingertips, I push it open. He doesn’t acknowledge me.

I walk to his desk and place a hundred dollars down on it. “This is for you, Cade. Now that I have a job, I’ll give you money every two weeks on payday. I know it’s not much, but hopefully after a while, it will add up.”

He stops what he’s doing and stares at the money. His deep rumble of a voice startles me. “I don’t want your money, Sky.”

“It’s actually your money. I have plenty to pay back.” When he doesn’t respond, I continue, “I’ll also save so as soon as I have enough for a couple months’ rent, you’ll be free of me.”

Silence captures Cade. I leave to make dinner. While I’m cooking, he comes in with a cell phone and places it on the counter. He points to it, indicating it’s mine. More like a demand.

“I can’t take another thing from you, Cade. You’ve already—”

“Take it. You need it.”

I’ve never had a cell phone. “But what about the payments, and—”

“Don’t worry about them now.”

My hand touches his forearm without thinking when I thank him. He tenses under my touch, so I let him go.

“I don’t know how to use a cell phone.”

“I’ll show you after dinner.”

We eat, and then he shows me how to use the phone. I’m excited to learn this new gadget and click on every picture to see what it does. Cade already put his number in. This phone feels like a peace offering. After he yelled at me, my heart ached from his words and anger. Sometimes Cade’s abruptness and disregard of my faith flays my insides. Other times, just being near him, glancing his way, sends a shiver down my spine. We’re opposites. Saving money will rid us of the things we dislike about each other… and temptation. Cade is like Eve’s apple, a sinful craving.

After a little over a week, Gunner asked me out on a date, which is tomorrow. He’s polite and talkative, a change from the silence of Cade. Gunner makes me laugh and I find him charming, except not as appealing as the man I share living space with. I want to get to know Gunner better. He’s a distraction. My reasoning isn’t healthy, so I blame it on the confusion between my head and heart. Times like these, I think of the Corinthians,God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he willalso provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

I’m sitting in the living room reading while Cade is holed up in his office. The doorbell rings, so I answer it. Gunner has his hands in his pockets, hair mussed most likely from his helmet, and offers a lopsided smile, revealing his dimple.

“Hey Sky, can I come in?”

His face sags and lets out a hollowed sigh. It knots my stomach, watching his dull footfalls shuffle into the foyer.

To lighten the mood, I say, “This is a pleasant surprise. We’re still on for tomorrow, right?”

He takes my hand and says, “We need to talk.”

A lump forms in my throat. His somber voice and demeanor aren’t a good sign. We enter the kitchen so I can clean the dishes. Gunner sits at the island, averting my eyes.

I stop drying a plate and ask, “What’s wrong?”

His head swings in different directions, assuming he’s checking if Cade’s around. “I have to tell you something, and I feel terrible about it.”

I put the plate down to prepare for whatever he has to say.

Glancing at the ground, he says, “I ran into my ex-girlfriend the other day. We got to talking and want to give our relationship another try.”

My finger traces the rim of the plate as I say, “Oh.” The room is quiet. “That’s good…right? I mean, you must still have…”

I’m unable to finish. My throat is dry as burnt toast. Things were going so well. I have a job, and for a brief moment, someone who makes me feel special. We aren’t in love. However, the chance that he could be my husband thrilled me. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe I’m supposed to be alone instead of having a husband and children. This thought pains me, because I want to take care of a husband and give him as many babies as he'll allow.

“I’m sorry, Sky. I wanted us to work. This was unexpected.”

“I understand.” Our eyes meet and I continue. “I wish you the best.”

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