Page 84 of Lightness In My Dark

Chapter 35 - Come Undone

FINN

I bought Wren several gifts for her birthday, but the one thing she asked for, I hesitated on. It wasn’t because I couldn’t wrap things up at work. That was the easy part. Stopping oxycodone and withdrawals was what I dreaded the most, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it. Plus, I didn’t want Wren to see the hell I would go through. But her pleas didn’t go unanswered. I caved and finished my work to have May and all of June free. Wren asked me countless times if I was sure I didn’t want inpatient care or advice from a physician, and my response remained the same. No. To avoid anyone finding out, I kept it under wraps.

Cole and I loaded the car with clothes, some food Chef Dan cooked, and other supplies. I gave the staff paid time off for the rest of May. Recovery seemed to be best at the lake cabin. It was a couple of hours away, secluded, and mine. Since turning eighteen-years old, I had time to get used to the idea of money. Not Wren, who grew distracted. I loved watching her facial expressions morph into disbelief, arms opened wide as if looking for the air to hold her.

She spun around in the driveway, head back to take in the height of the trees, then the large walled windows of the cabin. The inside had high ceilings in the living room and kitchen, sliding glass doors to exit the kitchen out onto the terrace, and wood flooring throughout. There was a U-shaped island in the kitchen, large windows in the living room, a downstairs bedroom, and an upper floor with three bedrooms and a hallway overlooking the area below.

I hadn’t taken an oxycodone that day, nor did I bring any, so I knew it was only a matter of time before I felt the loss. Unpacked and resting on the couch, Wren recited what she learned about detoxing.

With a pad of paper in her hand, she said, “For most people, symptoms are the worst the first few days, and continue to decrease, resolving within seven days. There are a variety of symptoms, so we’ll have to see which ones you will get.” I had already been getting the chills and my nose was running. “I’m making some soups because I know one of your symptoms is vomiting.” She squeezed my shoulder.

Cole said, “I can help with the soups and any other food needed.”

She tipped her pen toward him. “Great! If I make a list, could you go get some groceries?”

“Of course, that’s what I’m here for.”

“I’ll also need to stock the washroom with enough towels, and a change or two of sheets.”

I didn’t understand why she would need to worry about any of this stuff. “Why do you need towels and a change of sheets?”

Wren took my face in her hands and gave me a kiss. “I don’t want you to worry about anything else other than getting better. I’m going over this list, so you know what to expect. Cole and I will take care of everything, and next weekend, Carter and Lindsey will be here to help.”

Since I was going to be gone for so long, I conceded and told Carter about my addiction. He was angry and upset I didn’t tell him earlier. After an hour of arguing about it, he demanded to come on the second weekend to assist with anything.

“I’ll give you some herbs to help with the symptoms.”

I cocked my eyebrow. “What herbs? I doubt an herb will help fight against a hard drug.”

Again, she bent down and kissed me. “Humor me. Take them when I give them to you.” My head shook as if it was a waste of time. “Finn, please?”

“Yeah, whatever.” My head fell back on the couch pillow.

The conversation irritated me. In such a short time, Wren could read me, and stopped with her preparation talk. Cole left for the store. She was cooking in the kitchen, and I felt shittier and shittier by the hour. It had been close to twenty hours since I took my last oxy. I got anxious, so I went outside to sit on the terrace. The sun had dipped lower on the horizon, causing my chills to swell, but I was too tired to get up.

The sliding door opened, and Wren stood by my chair. “Here, open up.”

I pushed her hand away. “I don’t need that shit.”

“This is Shen Nong’s Ginseng. It’s supposed to calm you down and assist with fatigue.” I let out a loud sigh and looked away. “Please, Finn, cooperate. At the very least, it won’t hurt you.”

I opened my mouth, and she dropped in a couple full droppers’ worth. Then she handed me three pills with a glass of water. “It’s Ye Sheng Reishi Mushroom to boost your immune system, relax the nervous system, and clear the drugs from your liver.”

Without arguing, I took the pills while she watched me. While entering the house, she told me the soup would be ready in fifteen minutes. Cole returned, and we all ate together. Wren and Cole spoke while I concentrated on getting the soup down.

Not long afterwards, I ran to the washroom in my room to vomit. My gut purged the water and soup, the bitter taste of the herbs lingering on my tongue. The last heave and I shit in my pants. I swore, moving into the shower, tearing off my clothes and turning on the water.

Fuck! Fuck! Fucking humiliating. How did I get here?

I faced the wall with my hand on it to steady myself, bowing my head under the stream. Behind me, I heard shuffling. Glancing from my peripheral, I saw Wren cleaning up whatever dripped out of my pants.

“Get out! Leave it!” She ignored me and continued to clean it up.

“I said go!”

Her hand slipped inside the shower, grabbed my dirty clothes, and stuffed them in a bag. When I thought she was gone, I broke down. I remained under the water to camouflage my wails. For the rest of the time, I soaped my body, rinsed, and wrapped a towel around my waist. With my head in my hands, I sat on a chair in the room, trying to control my crying. I felt like a pussy. Once I let the tears loose, they wouldn’t stop.

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