Page 66 of Lightness In My Dark

“Your ribs don’t appear to be broken, which is a good thing.”

He took in a deep breath. “Okay, so I’m going to do a vaginal exam. Have you ever had one done?” Wren nodded. “Do you want Finn in the room?” She nodded again.

He took out some things and placed them on a tray. As he did, Wren’s breathing became shallow, and she cried. More like hyperventilated. Her body quivered, and she closed her legs to bring them up to her chest. Wren’s head moved from side to side, whisperingshe couldn’t.

“Do you want to wait for a female doctor to examine you?” She continued to sayNo. She couldn’t do it.

Gabe sat back on the stool. “How about I give you something to help calm you?”

This prompted hysterics. Her body shook with her head, audible sobs as she tucked herself into her body. I sat on the bed, bringing her to me, and let her cry while soothing her.

“Everything will be okay, Wren.” I rubbed her back. “You’re hysterical, and if you don’t settle down, you’re going to make yourself sick. Gabe just wants to give you something to unwind, not knock you out.” I looked over my shoulder at him. “Right? This would only reduce her anxiety, not put her to sleep.”

She wanted to remain awake. She wanted to have control. If knocked out, she wouldn’t know what he or anyone else was doing to her.

“Yes. It’s only to soothe your nerves for the exam.”

I took her face in my hands. “I will never, ever, let anyone hurt you again. Do you understand me?” Her trembling and sobs eased as she told me she understood. “Good. Take something. I’ll be here the whole time. You’ll be aware of what’s going on and you won’t be so panicked, okay?”

“If I do, promise me that if I pass out, you won’t leave.” Her sobs picked up, and she took swift intakes to catch her breath. “You won’t let anyone else touch me.”

“Mia piccola. I promise to stay, and no one else will touch you other than Gabe.”

This gave her enough reassurance to allow sedation.

After giving her something, Gabe slipped out for a half hour. Still on the bed, I held Wren’s hand, brushing the hair from her face, smiling to make her comfortable. In time, her eyes grew heavy.

“How are you feeling?”

“I hurt.”

“I know, love. Close your eyes. Think of something that makes you happy.”

This spurred a glimmer of a smile.

“That good, huh? I hope I’m the one making you smile.” She nodded.

Gabe returned. “How’s everything going?” She croaked out anokay. “You look calm. How about you scoot down a bit?”

Her eyes opened at the realization of what was going to happen. I remained next to the bed, her focus on the ceiling, tears running from the corner of her eyes. I brought our folded hands to my mouth and kissed her fingers.

“Hey, it’s going to be fine. Let’s get situated so you can go back to whatever was making you smile.”

She swallowed the fear, scooted toward the bottom of the bed as Gabe placed her feet in stirrups, and she closed her thighs. He covered her from the waist to her knees.

He put on gloves and lifted a device. “I’ll do an external exam first, and then insert the speculum into your vagina to spread your vaginal walls.” He could see Wren tense. “Breathe in through your nose and out your mouth. Also, rest your pelvis. If it hurts, tell me, okay?”

Gabe began the examination. Tears ran down her face as she stared at the ceiling. She squeezed my hand.

Gabe said, “You’re doing good, Wren. I’ll need to apply some stitches to your upper inner thigh.”

I asked, “Why?”

He ignored my question and explained everything he was doing. When he inserted the speculum, her head tilted back, and she shut her eyes. When he finished, he placed the device on the tray, took his gloves off, and stood with his hands folded in front of him. She gave him a hard stare.

Without glancing my way, he softened his voice when he said, “I have some questions, and I think you know what they are.” She didn’t respond to his comment. “There’s a lot of scarring in your cervix. You also have several scars on your inner thighs. Aside from today, have you been raped before?”

She nodded.

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